A lot of people who are in abusive relationships do not realize that they are in them. They attack each other and then defend and believe they deserved to be attacked. Then they attack others. They are caught in a vicious cycle, tend to have problems with sex or drugs, and can't pull themselves out. If you try to help them, they attack you too. Sometimes you can help them and sometimes you can't. They have to want the help and they have to want to change.