Why Do People Think They Need People to Like Them?

In this article I want to discuss the "liking gap," the phenomenon of people underestimating how much others like them. This phenomenon has been studied extensively. It's been observed across different contexts, including short and long conversations, men and women, and even in young children. Although it's still not clear exactly why this phenomenon occurs, there are many possible reasons why people underestimate their likeability.

It's important to note that relationships take time to develop. People don't like to spend time with people who are untrustworthy or have bad habits. Building a relationship with a partner takes time, so be patient. It's easy to become cynical or dismissive when you first start a relationship. Keeping your word is a key component in building trust.

The need to be liked may stem from traumatic or painful experiences. These people are often afraid of being rejected and want everyone to like them. If they've experienced abuse, for example, they may try to avoid situations where they would re-enact the behavior. Having social support is helpful. It can also reduce the anxiety associated with being liked by others. It's beneficial to know what to look for in a person who needs approval.

However, a more recent study showed that the more similar two people are, the more likely they will like one another. While this effect is strong among college students, it may not be as strong in older adults. The findings suggest that the feelings of enjoyment are stronger than the actual similarity between people. However, it is not clear why the two factors are so different. If they are alike, people will likely be drawn to them, and the relationship will last a long time.