#Ulogs // Day 1 // Efforts to Reconcile

This was the Mail I sent to my one and only, She refused to read it. But yesterday, she attempted reading it but got angry.

It is one thing that someone hurts you knowingly and doesn't care.

It is another thing that someone hurts u unknowingly & is very sorry for hurting u and tries to make peace and improve.

It's more painful, when someone u love so much & have been loyal to abuses you & accuses you falsely.

Sometimes, I ask myself, Why do I even care & get worried each time u re upset especially when I'm innocent?
I came home to comfort my father instead He gave me his food to eat because I'm as dry as stock fish.

I accompanied him to church & was dodging from his friends after the first people he showed me off to as his son asked if I was the last born since Adanne's twin is bigger than me.

I've lost appetite since. I force myself to eat. So worried about how U said I got u upset.

However, everything u said that hurt u, I ve already gone far wt my action list.

I am not perfect. I ve hurt you unknowingly. You have hurt me too really but I swallow it because I love you. If you don't love me, tell me. You sternly told me that you don't want me in your life because of my actions.

How again will I prove that I love u after taking all these actions?

Eg, I ve told Juliet that I love u so much and her charts are causing problems. I let her know it will be best for me if she stays clear from me.
I ve told Peace and Grace also. It remains Oge&ifunanya

I ve booked appointment with pastor Nonye when I come back & next will be miss Jennifer.
I'm ready to bear the shame honey. I will exonerate you from the blame as much as I can.

And I ve told my dad my decision face to face.

I wish you know how you have hurt me too with your actions and how I don't want to be hurt anymore too.

But just in case, you don't want me in your life again, God will bring a man your way that will meet all your expectations and love you better than I've ever loved you since I don't know how to love you to your taste.

Once such man comes into your life, then I will leave you but till then, discover yourself that if I was a boy, I ve grown or I am maturing into a man and I'll so appreciate it if you keep to your promise because I'm keeping to mine. "I'll love you no matter what"

However I decided to heed the advice of an aging dad,

If you directly follow the actions and reactions of most women, you will worry out the living life in you. Use that worry time to meditate on the word and find solution to problems that have value realisation embedded.