#ulog 008 - 20/05/2018: When Good Is Best Viewed With The Eyes Of Evil. And Were You At The Show Yesterday?
I know I should be putting up an update post on the just concluded steemgigs discord talk show with steemit's sweetheart @surpassinggoogle, in the format we were given, but I didn't, because it would mean mentioning the names of most of the beautiful minds that were present. Well, I'm about to say something quite relative and abstract respectively, and the latter might throw them into a huge sea of confusion, having them wonder if they were absentmindedly present in the show, or I'm just straight up crazy. So I'll save them the trouble (hope you understand Terry, I'm so sorry).
OK. Like 2hours into the show, something happened. I had just finished cooking (with my earpiece in my ears and my phone in my knicker's back pocket all through the time, because I couldn't miss a second, Hahaha..), and was just about to get settled to digest the show in full measure, when I caught myself engaging in an act I had given up on years ago. It was a habit I was dispirited about and it took a lengthy time of hard work and discipline to overcome. Here I was three years later, realizing few seconds after it happened, that it came visiting, and I had made it a room before having the time to think.
I was grieved for a few seconds (because, like some know already, I'm sort of a spiritual freak, though not in the "too religiously prim and proper" way, lol..), but soon enough, a miracle happened. @surpassinggoogle was speaking, and had just mentioned 'janitor' (we all know how he loves to illustrate the janitor-janitor and steemit-janitor phrases), and it hit me! It takes a janitor to keep perpetually clean!
I had overcome, but it flashed back so I could stay reminded, that it takes more than just dropping a paper from the sky, for it to stay dropped, and it only takes one crack in the right place, for a whole building to be rendered unlivable.
I may have lost interest in that habit, but it had not lost interest in me. Even though it stopped occurring, I should not have forgotten, I should have used the memory to build me a defense, I should have accepted that it mined me into this human I'm so proud of now, and though so minute, it completed the circle. It taught me sensitivity, discipline, longing for something better, never giving up on breakthrough. Yes it was bad, but it was coloured so only so I can achieve goodness. I should be proud of the victory, and accord it necessary accolades, I should be able to smile and not frown, when thinking of it. That's true Victory!
Thinking of them bad things this way help me realize that they're all necessary evil, part of the plan, missing puzzles. I've learnt to be more positive minded when dealing with evil, than negative, now phrases like "you can't defeat evil with evil" begin to make more sense.
A janitor understands this better. He never misses any detail, he keeps coming back to observe, acts as soon as needed. Above all, he appreciates dirt, because it is on that foundation his purpose is built.
@surpassinggoogle said many things yesterday, but they all had meanings in many different contexts for me from the moment that happened. I hope I can put all of them in words, and let him see how much one spoken word from the right miner purges the very essence of the mined.
I also processed phrases like: creating valid illusions, digging up yourself. Others include: janitor-janitor Vs steemit-janitor, dirt is good-ask the soap master, Dirt Is Good (DIG- don't be scared to soil your hands in search of that light, it's what will write/rewrite your history-my explanation though), Dig X Dig X Dig = Diggist, etc. I have many meanings for each of these phrases (I have to try catch up with my mind these days, lol..), and sometimes I'm worried I have too much to do with them and too little capacity (I sometimes get scared of the responsibility that comes with expressing these, as I'm not sure I can write it the way I should, so it can make sense).
Need I say it was special for me then? Shout-out to steemgigers who were present that might see this, I adore you guys in ways you can't imagine. @surpassinggoogle, hmm... You're just who you are, and something about that confidence makes me cherish your show of deep, long standing, unconditional love. I'll just say Thank You, and hope it captures all I have to say to you today. I'll try again another day, lol...
I like to keep writings like this offline for some reason(s), but I'm still learning to come out of the box. I don't know if anyone else thinks this though, but sometimes I wish ulog had a 'Hide Post' button, hahahahaha.. Just kidding (maybe).
#withsteemfromwakky
Flaws are allowed here. Sir Terry may have forgiven you before ask it.
Don't forget that the words 'flaws'and 'forgiveness' co-exist.
Thanks dear. I appreciate your words. Flaws and forgiveness coexist.... I'll let that resound.
You’re very much welcome my friend,
you dont need the hide button even for a ulog. dont worry, you wrote very codedly. so thiz was part ofof what prompted the I love you terry. I love you too. I know how to solve your case. I have been there. dont fret at those moments. it takes humility to even accept we are imperfect. if we were flawless what role does forgivenes play, so another thing I usually say is I will forgive you a hundred times. yes, to be too taken aback by those moments, create use for it e.g exercises self control and if you relapse, celebrate remorse and you would have grown still. some growth is instilled obliviously. you have a strong makeup. for some I would tell them to create multiple defenses but your case is different. you have the qualities to take charge, you have the ability to see the signs and use some as defense, so no worries. when there is still remorse then you arent far gone or lost. plus many things are forgiveable even by me, mere imperfect dust, so imagine Jehovah who is love. He was proactive even when it comes to giving us a chance at salvation, He sent his son and watch him suffer. He knows we are dust. let me pause. you were coded. you are learning. well you have a lot inside yoy but you weren't coded enough for me. I know what it was that popped up, the battle you fought for years. with a ULOG you can still be coded, even private. I do it a ton of times e.g I am dying, hitting my head on things but I was on the discord singing
Your a Man Sir Terry, Why people Loved you. Godbless. :)
Wow!! Now I have answers to even the hidden questions. Thanks for telling me all these, and for seeing beyond the words. I was indifferent about writing that piece, now I'm glad I did. I hope I can still hold it together after this, I'm kinda nervous but excited at the same time.. Lol...
"...celebrate remorse, and you would have grown still"- This means a lot to people like me. Thank you for the depth from which you speak. Thanks for all the compliments, encouragements, and for making us happy amidst your pain, I never take it for granted.
I don't need a reason for "I love you Terry", it's on default, and you make it easy. I've learnt again today. Thank you. And please, stop saying you're dying...