#Ulog | #3 | Running wild already

So today is judgement day, the day where we will decide how to go on in our relation. I am feeling pretty good, compared to my last break ups.

The last time

Let me call my last ex girlfriend S. S hat a fresh born baby, which had the name K. I did not hesitate a second to accept the fact that she is already a mom. We had 1 really good year, full of love and joy, pretending to be a small family. I loved that kid so much, the fact he lost him too made me more blue.
It took me over 1 year to overcome S, to be ready for someone new, to stop pretending, that she will come back to me. Yes, she did call me again, she invited me, but the love was already gone on her side.

How did i left the hole

Kathrin and me work in the same Pizza Store. Me, being a driver and her baking pizzas, had a quiet start. We did not talk a lot, but i became a close friend of his brother. So somehow, i got my first glances at her. After awhile, she dated an other employee of the store, which leaded us to become friends, really good friends. She was the person, which helped me to progress again in my life. She started to be my best friend and we hanged out a lot in our big group. She talked a lot with me and also here current boyfriend became i really good friend. At the end i betrayed him, stealing his girlfriend.

So does Karma strike back

Even though i am writing this and trying to convince myself, that she is still that girl a love, which loves me more than each other man before, that girl, which wants a family and a house with me in 2 years. But i really can't come to the point, where i can say with 100% certainty, that she is playing fair with me. My fear of losing her, is killing all my positive character attributes i had before, which made me a hard loving boyfriend, lover and still her best friend. You can't change your partner, you only can change yourself. Somehow, i really deserved it, since i did the same thing to my ex girlfriend F.

2 hours before making final decisions

Even though nobody is really reading my blog, but i did this post for myself, to start reflecting on what happend, why it happend and how i should move on. I just hope, that my tomcat Noah will be still in my life afterwards!