RE: That Feeling of Bone Weariness with Life... (Ulog no. 5)
Hey, @denmarkguy.
I think if running to keep the status quo were a race, I'd be an Olympic level marathoner by now. Okay, maybe not that bad (or awesome), but there's been a lot of treading water in my life.
Some of that has been choices I've either made or not made. A lot of it, though, is just the vicissitudes of life. I've been wanting to use that word for a while, so I'm happy I was able to use it here. :)
I'm at that point in my life where it gets increasingly harder to have passion for anything, but still needing to keep things going. I do a lot of grinding, and exact as much happiness as I can from incremental accomplishments. Nothing over-the-top, but enough to move onto the next one.
That's STEEM, by the way. In my family life, there's more to be involved with and happy about, which is good and it's also distracting. So, while I'm trudging through what's happening here, I'm doing well enough with relationships and other things to keep me going.
Sometimes, that's what life has for us. We savor the moments that are great, and we remember them when things are not. Or at least that's what gets me up in the morning. :)
Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Glen! And congratulations on using "Vicissitudes" in a sentence, and actually knowing what it means. That's pretty cool!
Life goes a lot in cycles, I think... some 20 years ago, I was caught in a similar loop where it just felt like no matter what choice I made — even a completely random one — the outcome was inevitably subpar. And that just grinds you down, after a while.
Of course, there's also the fact that I an keenly aware that "I am not 29 anymore!" and so the same things I once handled with grace are now more of a grind. And yet... they still must be attended to.
As I was saying to @janton, the past 18 months or so have been a particularly trying time, where the setbacks seem to have outnumbered the triumphs by a rather significant margin. This will of course turn around at some point... but it feels endless when you are sitting in the middle of it!
Yes, they do. I'm in the middle of one going on six years now. Before that, the few I did have never came close to lasting this long. I've never felt like I was flying so blind on the decision making front as I have throughout most of this period. Some good has come out of it, though, and I'm still alive, still kicking, and still ornery enough to keep going.
I hear you about the "not being 29" part, too. Guess that's what happens when you venture into middle age. I guess it starts way before that, but you're still able to convince yourself your body and mind and gumption might have some mileage on them now, but you can still go out and run with the young bucks. Yeah, right. Maybe for a little bit, enough to keep them guessing, but really, the pasture they've been trying to retire you too for the past 10 years at least is starting to look awfully good.
Oh. Wait. Was this about me or you? :) Anyway. Vicissitudes, man. It's all about the vicissitudes. :)