ULOG#4: Lost in the middle of nowhere

Because im feeling emotional today, i decided to share something personal to everyone. Bear with me for this day’s Ulog...

In the middle of nowhere, I realized that things were falling uneasy and to be more precise ,thoughts and emotions are breaking down..

I did not expect to be like this, I did not expect that my life turned out like this, too many problems too many things I want to avoid.This feeling is like being alone in a place that I am not comfortable with.

I really thought that everything's gonna be alright with just a peace of mind and having some faith in yourself but everything was turning black and blur.. I can't see how myself turning into this kind of man that can easily be broken by just having bad problems. Why don't I have those guts like trying to be more strong, mentally and emotionally? Why can't I have some good confidence like everyone? Why do I keep hiding from these shadows I imagined? Why can't I be someone that can easily solve problems without having second thoughts?

Problems, problems, problems.. there are everywhere I can't even resolve myself from it. I can not even have time to think about myself, I can not even imagine having some good times that can make my world turn into a human being that can easily smile genuinely... I lost, I feel like I'm in the room thats full of darkness. Am I this weak? Am I this kind of human that can't easily light his own world? How? How? How? How?

How to solve this shitty problem that even me cant understand? How can I stand up? Please? Can someone save me from this hell? I don't want to be like this forever, I don't want to see my self drowning.. Too deep, too shallow, too hard I don't want to settle myself like this anymore.

Piece by piece, I'm trying to pick up myself to stand up from this darkness. Inch by inch, I am trying to step up from this kind of situation I am with.. I really hope I can see the light I am wishing for, I am not in hurry to see that kind of light but I'm working really hard for me to achieve that mentality and motivation to rise up again and again. Maybe, I am too weak for now but I also think positive that I can keep up in no time.

I always keep my head up, thinking what is the purpose of our life in this world? What is the reason why we still kicking from those obstacles in our life? Do we really need to change for that kind of reason? I have a lot of questions running on my mind. Some people told me, that I was just trying to complicate things but I know they will never realize until it happens to them. Saying "it will be okay" will not satisfy my thoughts, saying "are you okay?" was it just for me to uplift my emotions from this situation? Am I just having a bad dream today? :(

Lots of thoughts right now. Pls fellow steemians, share some thoughts and pieces of advice. I need it at the moment. :(

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