#ULOG 12: A day full of tears, hope and faith

Thinking about losing someone you love is scary. You know that sometimes you need to accept the fact that you need to let them go in order to ease their pain and suffering but a part of you prayed so hard for it to not happen.

That's what happened to me a while ago. I really thought that I would lose my grandma today. It scared me too much. I know that she's old and sooner or later she'll leave this world but I never expected it for her to leave this soon. So, I just prayed and laid everything to Him.

She was very okay this morning. I even asked her to eat her breakfast. She did ate many. In fact, more than the usual. At around 11 this morning, she asked me for food. I gave her something and then went to my room to check for my baby. When I came back, to check up on her, she was crying. I looked at her plate and it seems like she didn't touched it. I asked her why she was crying. I was thinking maybe she doesn't like the taste of the food. She said no. She said that she's so tired and the pain is unbearable. My tears started falling at that time but I did not showed it to her. I said that you need to eat "la" if not you cannot take your medicine for the pain. She said that she doesn't want to eat. I asked her again why she did not like to eat. She said she just doesn't want to eat. I can really see that the words "i am giving up" and "afraid" is painted on her face. She tried to stay calm and she asked for my aunt which unfortunately wasn't around at that time. Then, she asked me to change her dress. I gave her a colored blue dress, she did not want to wear it. She asked me to find her white dress on her cabinet. I did as I was told. While I was searching for her dress, my mind wandered, bad thoughts mostly and I just can't help but cried again. When I found it, I tried undressing her but she couldn't move even a bit. She looks really tired. She then told me to just cut her dress which I did as her request. When we were done, she told me to look for a white blanket. I found one and gave it to her. Then she closed her eyes while she was crying. I was crying looking at her too. It seems like she's saying she is ready to go.

Few moments later, my aunt came. She talked to her and asked my grandma if she wanted to have a confession. She said yes. While we were waiting for the priest, she asked me to go to her sister's house, the only one that's left because she wanted to talk to her.

I directly went to my grandaunt's house and told her everything while crying. She comforted me for a little while and we hurriedly went back home.

We gave them a space to talk. Few minutes later my aunt grandma called me telling me that my grandma wants to eat already. I was so happy with what I have heard. I immediately get her some food and fed her. I was looking at her face while feeding her. This time I can see a light and happy face. A face that somehow found a new hope. I was very happy to know. Then, I gave her a medicine for pain and few minutes later she seems to be like her old self.

It seems like she just lost hope and was ready to give up because of the unbearable pain and she just need someone from her age to let her know that she wasn't alone in this battle. That my aunt grandma is also fighting for her health but chooses to keep the faith and be strong. She was a very strong woman but was about to give up because of that. It just showed me that no matter how strong a person is, there will really come a time when their strength and faith will be tested. So, we should always be kind to others because we never knew that the person has a strong front but it struggling inside. Always be sensitive.