The journey you describe "from light to darkness and back" is one that is not often spoken. I remember the fall of the Berlin wall when I was in college studying International Relations/Commerce. I can only imagine what it must have been like actually being there as such a young person and living through all the changes that came after it also. And then the forced military service and artificial marriage.... There is so much of life that is a set up for clarifying what we don't want. That clarity is what gives us access to more of our real power.