Traveling alone and loneliness

Image taken at the Museum of Flight in Seattle, WA. The Museum is next to Boeing HQ.

2017 consists of a good amount of traveling. In December alone, I traveled to 5 cities, 4 of which was a part of a lone trip along the West Coast.
This is not new. Most of my adult leisure travel has been lone trips. I want to make it clear: I am not a lone wolf (yet I do enjoy my steak rare). Please invite me to Couchsurf with you or share a bunk bed in a hostel! I am always in need to split a heavy dessert at a fancy dessert place in a new city! However, traveling alone does have its benefits:

• I can focus on the events on the road and at the destination.
  Groups generally distract a traveler from the surroundings. This distraction does not only redirect one's attention to the members of the group away from the locals and the fellow travelers. It also compromises the perspective on all events. For example, the forests of Portland absolutely captivated me and made me fall in love with the city. However, if I had observed the scenery with my friends, we might have been busy keeping each other companied instead of taking in nature at full attention.
• I meet new people.
  Inevitably, it gets lonely on the road. Loneliness is one hell of a confident booster for meeting new people and making new friends. It is almost creepy to think how many times I stopped people randomly to ask them to hang out with me. It is equally creepy how many people agreed.
• Spontaneity! Flexibility! Freedom!
  I have taken naps in odd places (Pike Place Market in Seattle, the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, not the Walk of Fame in Hollywood but close!). Traveling alone allows me to make decisions concerning me, myself, and I. If I feel like I can't appreciate the Hollywood sign without getting a 10-minute power nap, I will get it. If I feel like walking an hour to find a cheap restaurant only to end up eating at an expensive restaurant, you bet I'll do that without any judgment (though that IS stupid). I like to care for others, but sometimes nah.

As much as I love traveling alone and as surely as I will continue doing so, it gets lonely.
It gets depressingly lonely.

• Hostels offer an amazing opportunity to meet new people, but they don't guarantee that there will always be people there. Sleeping alone in an 8-people room can be unsettling.
• For every person who hangs out with me and becomes my new friend, dozens reject me. Understandably, people suspect the lone traveler: traveling alone breaks the norm for most. However, it still breaks my heart every time someone refuses to start a conversation no matter how relatable the context we are in.
• A crowd magnifies loneliness. Interestingly, I never feel lonely when I am alone. It is moments in a crowded location such as the toursity Golden Gate Bridge or Space Needle that I feel awful. Everyone belongs to a group. Everyone enjoys each other's company. They laugh, they talk, they tease one another, they have inside jokes and stories and experiences. The lone traveler observes these people and gets somewhat jealous of their membership in a group.
• Contacts might not always be available. I texted a good friend about how weird Sunset Blvd in LA is: I saw a group of middle schoolers hitting on strippers. She responded enthusiastically, but not everyone can do so. The urge to share excitement or to receive support for moments of vulnerability cannot be realistically met by remote contacts. The lone traveler will have to accept at times that he/she truly IS, alone.

Some people enjoy traveling alone because they don't feel lonely. I enjoy traveling alone because the loneliness on the road makes me appreciate the small interactions I have with people I meet along the way, the new friendship at my destinations, and the lasting relationship of friends and family that will be waiting when I come home.

For me, 2018 starts with two exciting trips to places I have never been, neither of which I will spend alone. While I can't wait for these two trips, it's time to plan for some me time in a new city.