How to properly board a plane- Traveling 101 pt 1

BOARDING WITH BRILLIANCE

Boarding the plane can be tricky. The first thing you must do is figure out what zone you are. Let us first review the fact that not all passengers get the same seats.
First Class is for those who have money to burn, those who’s bosses are paying, and celebrities. The advantages include more leg-room, a bed-like option, and free biscottis. Do note that the richest of people do not usually fly this way. This is because they have their own jet of course.
Buisness Class is almost as good as first class, and it is cheaper. Sometimes called “executive class,” this is mostly made up of business people. The benefits are quite similar to the first class, depending on the airline.
There is a class called premium economy, where seats have a bit more room around them…Benefits vary.
Economy Class, or “coach,” is how the rest of the world flies. Usually cramped seating arangements, not even free water, and slightly mold-infested windows and fungus-infused meal trays are par for this level of service.
You should know which class you are from when you purchased your ticket. If you don’t, ask the person who did. The next thing you should know is your zone. Look on your boarding pass. Somewhere it will say, “Zone__”. Usually the zones are numbers ranging from 1-4. Passengers with young children, or those with wheelchairs get to board first. Then the numbers are called out in numerical order. Some foolish people may get up from their seats and crowd around the funnel of boarding. This is rude. You wait until your zone is called. ALWAYS. Get up and stand near the crowd, yet not in it. You will board and make it to your seat, so there’s no required speed. But, as we do take all things into account, (yes) there are flights without asigned seats. If you have a group that wants to stay together, we recognize the chaos that could potentially ensue, but you must get up only when your zone is called. Stay together, and if you must, ask someone if they wouldn’t mind giving up their seat. But let us now return to the actuall act of boarding.

When your zone is called, get up. Grasp your luggage and walk towards what seems to be the end of the line. At times the line may morph into a mirage in your mind -- you may see marbles entering the mouth of the funnel, or the leftovers of that safari flowing into The Ark. Those rolling luggage must hold the handle with their right hand -- arm fully extended. The left hand rests at your sweating side. For those carrying bags, cross your arms if possible, as if to say, “There might be a problem, but it ain’t here.” ALL boarders must possess a face that expresses that thought. HAVE YOUR TICKET READY when you enter the front of the line. Hand it steadily to the scanner-person. Nod when they say, “Have a nice flight!” If you havn’t noticed, they say this to all the passengers. How insincere.
As soon as you get your ticket scanned, you will enter a new world. This said world is called the “…jet bridge (also termed jetway, gangway, aerobridge/airbridge, air jetty, portal, skybridge or its official industry name passenger boarding bridge (PBB)) is an enclosed, movable connector which most commonly extends from an airport terminal gate to an airplane…” says Wikipedia (so it must be correct). Welcome.