F**k Cancún. Save money, Go local

It’s a tropical day. An ocean breeze’s cool wetness only just keeps my skin from crisping. Even in the shade the heat hugs me, but I'm not in the Caribbean. You can have all this within the New York City limits for a thousandth of that all inclusive vacation.

One of the best things about NYC: beaches. Never been? Shut up, stand up, swipe, sit down. Most of these oases can be reached by public transit and more than six with a single subway swipe (currently $2.75), plus rent or a hotel. Coney Island is the easiest, and right next door is the much quieter Brighton Beach. If you are willing to hike, the beautiful Manhattan Beach is tucked away off Oriental Blvd. In all, Coney Island offers three miles of beaches, accessible from four different subway stops, serviced by the D,F,N,Q, and B trains. What are you doing with your life?

"But Coney Island has too many people! It's, dirty! it's...." you say. Too good for ol' Coney Island? Well fine. Fuhgeddaboudit! No worries there are plenty of other options. But give Coney a chance sometime. There have been many improvements to the beach and boardwalk after the damage from super storm Sandy.

The next spot is one of my personal favorites. The Rockaways has over eight miles of beaches and the best beach culture in New York…biach. There are restaurants and bars in the sand, and live music on weekends. It’s a long trek, but worth it. Eight Subway stops are within walking distance of the newly rebuilt boardwalk. They are only serviced by the A train (and an S shuttle… but don’t confuse yourself).

Make a day of the trip because you will need to stay, especially once the twisted frozen sangrias from Caracas at 106th st. take hold. Oh, and while you’re there, make sure you pick up one of the exclusive souvenir mugs from Low Tide Bar. Tell them I sent you. You will get nothing for it. If you’re a slug and mugs don’t tempt you, go anyway and enjoy the live DJs on weekends.

There are 3 main vendor areas along the beach. Park nearby the only structures built on the ocean side of the boulevard and you will be able to pitch your umbrella within hobbling distance of great food and drink. Access at 86th, 96th and 106th streets will put you right in the action. Rippers at the 86th street access is your typical beach beer&burger bar with music, parties, and some shade to hide in while de-hydrating. Looking for something healthier? La Fruteria is now serving refreshing smoothies and fresh juices on the beach, and coffee, cofFEE, COFFEE! Make sure you check out the new snack hotspot too: The Bolivian Llama Party. Party with real Llamas in RL! (Fine print: No guarantees)

Its only a short walk between the vendors, so you can catch them all. Go squirtle! When need a break from the sun and spray go support DiCosmo’s Italian Ice, Motorboat, Lobster Joint, The Big Banana, or any of the other great spots mentioned.

Feeling superior to the beachgoers? Maybe the new Skatepark and Street-hockey Arena are more your speed? Both are up and running for the 2017 summer season. Or, get into the middle of the sandbar between 102st and 90th on Rockaway Beach Blvd where there are little seaside watering holes, shrimp shacks, and souvenir stores, where even the most sun-phobic can enjoy themselves. No judgement zone here…

There are plenty of other beaches to choose from, but fuhgettabout-em, start with these winners. This is where you realize this is not a NYC beaches article at all, but a shill for The Rockaways. Deal with it. I'm sure that no matter were you go, Rockaway Beach, after you see how amazing New York City beaches are, you'll exchange that trip to Miami for tickets back to New York. Thank me later.

Think about it: where else can you get brunch with bottomless mimosas, play in the surf, and get kidnapped by burlesque performers in a Russian bread truck all in the same day? WHERE?