Ilha Grande, the rich man’s island. Afraid that I was going to run into the Brazilian answer to Cancún* I almost entirely swiped it off the travel trail… but thank the devil I didn’t! True, this is not the undiscovered gem tucked away from mass tourism, neither the rustic Robinson Crusoe get-away where you can disconnect (if only from wi-fi) and reload… but I yet have to meet the first person, be it the seasoned bold backpacker or the typical tourism-consumer, that did not have a good time here.            

* I finish that place in this blog.               

There’s simply something for everyone. Outdoor-enthusiast? Well, what about scuba-diving, jetskiing, snorkeling, sailing, trekking or surfing? More a tanning-my-ass-on-a-blistering-white-sandy-beach-kind-of-type? There are about a 100 beaches here, that’ll do? There’s nightlife, there’s live music, there’s fine dining… There are lakes, waterfalls and the Atlantic… There are historic landmarks, ancient ruins and even an Ecomuseum.    

If you manage to be bored here, I must break it to you: then you’re simply a brain-numbing boring human-being and nothing will save you.   

I settled with hiking, my true passion that flourishes every time I hit the travel path.         

And in Ilha Grande I didn’t have one, but two guides! Couchsurfer Daniel, in whose house I was being lodged, as well as his muscular tattooed roommate Santiago, who both were quite the hiking aficionados themselves… are at least for that moment, to accompany me on my adventures. #1 gladly took a break from his loaded work schedule to take me down to Cachoeira Feiticeira, one of the many waterfalls this lush and fertile island is home to.            

While finding our way over the innumerable trails lingering through the overwhelming fauna I noticed the aqueduct and abandoned hospital-ruins we passed by. Ilha Grande used to function as a quarantine-zone for leper patients and later on as a top-security prison for the most dangerous criminals in Brazil, and the remains are to be caught sight of until the day of today. Nature and history, what did I tell you?        

From cachoeira to capoeira. Inescapable if you’re in Brazil. When I was a young student I shortly dated a Brazilian-blend delicacy who happened to be a capoeira-teacher, and presumably the only reason I kept on signing up for follow-up-dates was that utterly divine body that smiled (screamed!) at me every time he took his clothes off. Those abs, those arms, those legs and (oh boy) that ass, capoeira did that to him. With these happy memories in my mind I aggressively nodded when Daniel asked me to watch his class, hoping to be the perv once again. None of that though, I got a way more varied presentation: from kids to babyboomers, from black to mocha to white, from mystic afro to blonde curls and blue eyes… Brazil was dancing for me in all its colors!    

Capoeira is for everyone. This country is for everyone. There’s a reason why a Brazilian passport is the most wanted in the underworld: everyone can be Brazilian, no matter what you look like. I realized this is why I love this nation… races have blended, boundaries faded and the mix of it all is embraced in its entire intensity.        

And I love Brazil for its nature, it’s like an inexhaustible source of enjoyment and it was all mine to explore, conquer and get deliciously lost in. Or, if you’re the kind of type that actually get lost quite often, you can just accept the guidance of a local: Santiago was more than happy to show me ‘his’ Lopes Mendes beach, the most famous one on the island.            

I understand why, that broad endless strip of powder white is hard to resist for the masses.            

I also wasn’t insensitive for the undeniable attraction of this virgin piece of scenery, but truth told, those little tucked away beaches like Paloma were the ones truly catching my attention. If you feel like an undisturbed beach get-away, far out of reach of screaming Americans or drunken Europeans, forget about Abraão and have a look in these little slices of heaven I just mentioned.        

After a satisfying and sweaty walk Santiago had yet another great idea: Let’s just go back by boat, his treat… Life is a gift, ladies and gentlemen, oh man it is!         

After all that hiking we deserved some relaxation, Santiago said once the sun burnt me out of my bed again. I couldn’t agree more. Well, good thing that he knows literally everyone on the island, so borrowing some snorkel gear for free wouldn’t be a problem.         

Visibility, however, appeared to be. Well, good thing I didn’t already book a scuba-dive to only conclude once situated at the bottom of the ocean that I in fact can't see shit. Through the floating sand I did wave at some blurry fishes though, and I have some other observation that might interest you: sea urchins, lots of them. And you know how many spikes an average sea urchin has? Over a 100. And they have to be removed one by one if you step in one. So just do like I did: Swim, dry in the sun again – repeat! And stay away from those damn rocks.        

Wow, I could get used to this. So I stepped out. If you’re drenched too much into your comfort zone stimulation fades away.    

But I did it! I did Ilha Grande on a budget. Besides the boattrip to get here and the necessary açaí I didn’t spend a dime. You can get here by taking the the cheap ‘n slow daily ferry service instead of a pricy speedboat… I even went as far as trying to hitch a ride at the fishermen’s boat, which apparently is only an option at around 5/6AM in the morning when they sail out (but hell, they’ll take you, especially if you’re a woman – the fights about whose boat I would go with were still going on when I was already leaving the harbor).         

Also, the tourist office will try to make you believe those speedboat prices are fixed, but you can easily get 50% off with a wink and a smile (tried and confirmed). As logically it’s quite expensive to get a varied supply of food on the island I saved costs by bringing along some groceries from harbor town Angra dos Reis, so I could always cook my own meals.         

Tours have a price, but hiking and swimming (the best you can do here) are as free as a bird. And who said you have to pay for drinks to listen to the live music being performed at the beach bars? There are no sound barriers installed, so just bring a bottle of vodka and slam a coconut out of the tree to mix it with and swing along on the beach… nothing better than slowly getting drunk on this paradise of green humid mountains where time stands still somehow.        

If you want a party, you should be the one hanging up the garlands.    

The pleasure is within you.      

Until we meet. 

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