TIL How it feels to be schizophrenic
Watching someone you love live with paranoid schizophrenia is incredibly frustrating, most of the time you stand on the edge of their world feeling powerless, so you do your best to understand and support them. But no matter how well they describe it or how much information you devour, you still find yourself standing on the outside unable to even imagine what they have to deal with as you wish with all your heart that you could take it from them and hold that burden even if only for a short while.
I will never be able to carry that burden for my sister but today I took a brief step into her world in an attempt to understand her and what she goes through a little better by listening to auditory hallucination simulations as I went about my normal routine. I recorded some of my thoughts as I went along hoping the videos can help you understand a little better as well.
(if you want to hear what I was listening to you can find the playlist here )
The friend who was supporting me through this pulled the plug just after I recorded the last video to make sure I didn't get too distressed,later pointing out that I had lost track of time pretty early on and the experiment had actually lasted around 3 hours.
I stand by my words in the video I wouldn't wish this on Hitler himself.
We need to stop burying this illness behind stigmatising headlines and movies
we need to move beyond drugs
we need to find a way to work with the schizophrenic brain not against it.
And more than anything we need to realise how amazing the schizophrenic among us truly are for coping with this even when they are breaking inside.
I know it's not the same but I was born with HPPD where I have visual hallucinations all the time, sometimes I will get startled by black things jumping out at me, but 99% of what I see is just solid objects blinking/sparkling and splashing around, which is easy to ignore.
This experiment can't be healthy, I bet you are going to have some messed up dreams after this. I am not sure if the dream aftermath would make a good post, but I would be interested to hear them.
no it probably wasnt the best idea but i took precautions, had a friend with me and have used a lot of mindfulness, cbt and positivity techniques throughout the day. I do feel a little dehydrated though so haveing plenty of water before i head up for the night.
I imagine that can be just as distracting for you
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Disclaimer: I am just a bot trying to be helpful.
You are an amazing wonderful sister, your sister knows you have her back, her knowing your there for her and your trying to understand this horrible condition will help her so much. Having you around is the best medicine. Xx
It's not just me we have built a great support network around her which helps. It's horrible to think that so many people are doing this alone.
Its not right there should be help out there.