Hopes and Dreams, Lost and Found

Have you ever been robbed and had something personal taken from you? Perhaps it was misplaced or broken accidentally but I think that most of us have experienced a feeling of loss at some point in our lives as something we care about is taken from us.

We may look into the mirror and see graying hair and deepening wrinkles and wonder what happened to our youth, walk up stairs and be out of breath or feel our knees ache and wonder where our vigor disappeared to. Eventually, time steals all things, no matter how valuable they may have once been.

But what of our hopes and dreams, are they still possible to attain or have they been stolen too?

I take life quite seriously at the moment, as I feel I must since I wasted so much of my time in the past. It wasn't doing nothing it was doing something but, that something mostly amounted to nothing. It really couldn't have ever led to anything other than nothing, but at the time, it felt like something.

I was played, fooled into an attractive system that engaged me, gave me positive feedback and made me feel like what I was doing meant something, that it was important. But, what it really was was a distraction and an avoidance of what I needed to do to have a shot at reaching my potential.

It sucked me in, patted me on the back and made me feel like I was achieving, made me feel that I was successful even though it returned nothing of great value other than that feeling and, a forgetfulness of responsibility. It was stealing my hopes and dreams but because I was occupied, I did not realize the cost I was paying.

Day in, day out, I consumed more and more and if pulled away I would get withdrawals or be waiting impatiently for my next hit like the addict I was. Sitting there hour after hour consuming the creations of others while my mind atrophied, my own creativity dimmed.

My body and mind was aging yet I was not using it, my potential seeped out without ever being thrown into the mix, my life was fading into a self-imposed cycle of repetition and drudgery. And, it felt good to succumb, to be immersed in the experience for hour on end in an illusion, a world created to hold me in place.

Opportunity after opportunity passed me by as the few that were not like me walked steadily into a better existence, while my own reality struggled. The more struggle I faced, the stronger the addiction pulled at me, the more comfort it provided until one day, enough was enough.

It was time, my eyes opened as if for the first time in decades and I realized what I had become, livestock for the one percent. I was a cash cow that had no idea it was fenced in, maintained, controlled, I just ate what was given and felt satisfied.

I felt content even though I was not learning, not growing, not discovering and worst of all, not creating. What had happened to that boy who hoped to do so much, the teenager that was filled with potential, the youth who had idea after idea, good, bad and everything in between? He was gone, stolen and disappeared into the fog.

From that moment on, I have been searching for him, at times crawling on hands and knees to look for his footprints, for any trace of where he may be kept locked away, hidden. I have found bits and pieces of him, fragments of what he has dropped like breadcrumbs left in a last ditch effort to be saved.

With each piece discovered, I do not lament its loss, I do not regret its misplacement. I have spent too much time sitting still to worry of what is lost, I most take what is found and use it the best I can to find myself, realize some of what I could be.

I look in the mirror and see time has passed but, I have time ahead still and more importantly, the moment is not yet taken from me. It is now I can act, it is now I can push myself to see who I am and discover what I can do with me. Now is my time to put down the addiction of illusion and take reality back into my hands.

It is from here that my creativity is born, it is here that my energy comes and my resilience to failure gets its strength. No more avoidance, no more reliance on the comfort of illusion. Time to stand free and face what comes.

I see many opportunities, many I cannot take because I am unprepared, unlearned, ignorant of what is, unwilling to be aware, overzealous in the acceptance of fantasy. Someone else's fantasy that generated massive values but returned very, very little to the users. No more, it is time to take responsibility again.

It is now that I have realized the game I thought myself too clever to fall into, too smart to get addicted, intelligent enough to beat. After thousands of hours spent being entertained, I have realized there is little more entertaining than the exploration of the reality life offers.

My hopes and dreams may change, my potential may never be truly met, but it isn't going to be because I offer it up to be stolen by those who only have a bottom line on their mind. I will fight my fall into illusion and I will do all I can to help others stay free if they so ask.

We all feel overwhelmed at times and a helping hand to lean into the wind and walk together is more valuable than a cave in which to hide from life's storm.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]