What is the meaning of Marriage ? and how our brave Asian Girls face the oppsite meaning of Marriage in Asian Culture, HAts off to All girls

“Marriage”

What is marriage?
It’s a bond between two people who willingly accept to live with eachother for the rest of their lives. Accepting eachothers flaw, being there for eachother in thick and thin. Encouraging to move forward in life. Being able to love eachother unconditionally. Thats it. Its a BOND between TWO people. TWO souls.

But thats not the case in reality, marriage comes with lot of baggage. It comes with husband/wife parents. More or less its always the husband parents who are important. His mother, his father, his brother, his sister, his mamus chachus phuphos aunties.
A girl is always taught to mold herself ina way so she could do “ghar daari” in her teens so she could handle her susraal well. She has to become a doctor or maybe an engineer to get good rishtas first, “kionkay aik lawyer, artist, bba wali ko achay rishtay nai miltay”. And then the cherry on top, she has to be tall, fair-skinned, paak shafaf(no boyfriends, no relationships, no previous engagements or divorce, “Allah maaf karay woh tou kabhi bhi nai, acceptable hi nai hai society mei”. She is taught by her mother/grandmother how to handle susral and how to keep EVERYONE happy and how this is HER responsibility now.

And after you are married, you are not suppose to leave that house without saas sasur and husbands permission. You are not suppose to sleep for that long, jaldi utho, khana banao, safai bhi karo(beshak nokar hon) impression parta hai 🙂, bartan dho, sath sath sab ko khush b karo. Beshak apnay app ko bhool jao. Apnay maa baap k ghar kam jao, beta ab tumhara woh ghar jo hai. Jahan tumnay apnay 25 saal guzaray woh tou awain thay bus, time pass tha -.- . Dont bother him. No, not at all. Quit your job because its ur responsibility to take care of the kid. Let husband work. You do it. Its YOUR job. Not his. No no no.

A married woman is often asked “oye kahan ho, ami kay ghar ya susral” And for a moment it hits so hard “keh han yaar, mera apna ghar kaunsa hai?”

This is NOT how marriage is supposed to be. This is NOT normal. A girl is like a precious diamond. It should be kept safe and with care and with lot of love. When shes born her parents protect her, sacrifice for her, pay for her schooling and college and unwanted wishes and shower her with all that they have and the girl is so in love with how shes brought up and educated and how shes able to call her “amis house” HER house so proudly. Where shes treated like a princess.The moments spent with her family. The precious beautiful moments. They can never be forgotten and then shes married off to a guy where shes supposed to be treated like some random girl jo ghar kay kaam nai karay gi tou ussko saleeka tareeka nai hai, if shes tired and she cant keep up with others mood tou buhat hi nakhreeli hai. Or if she wants to live separately with her husband to build her own house of dreams, tou akkhaar aye hui hai, alag karana chahti hai hum bachon say. TOU WHAT ABOUT THE GIRL WHO LEAVES HER own WORLD/FAMILY to settle in an unknown environment and that demands her to be changed according to their setup.

Why cant they accept us as their own daughters. Why not welcome us with love and care? Why so much hatred and jealousy? Kia faida? Why chotay chotay taunts, keh agar ajj yeh nai maraingay tou din naye guzray ga. Miaan marta hai tou kia hua?? Mard hau usska hath uth jata hai. Bus tum zubaan na kholna?!! why why why?!
A boy is never asked to sacrifice this much. To leave his home, his parents, or maybe his job to settle in a different house, with different set of parents, do as they say. Take in their taunts, take in their games. Get pregnant because if you dont after year of your marriage, boy you are in lot of trouble and will open gates to questions jo probably hawaii jahaz ki tarhan guzrain gay upar say. BECAUSE, a boy can NEVER sacrifice this much and this is exactly why i am writing today.

We woman have created problems for our own selves. NO, we are not sacrificial lambs. We are NOT people to make compromises first. Its not just OUR responsibility to keep everyone happy around us. It should be understood completely that men are just as equal part of this as woman. Both husband and wife should be able to compromise, behave in a manner that is acceptable to their own relationship. Not sasur, not saas, not nand, not dewar. Just them both. Honestly if they are happy, ultimately they will keep everyone happy around them TOGETHER. Thats how marriage works. Thats the key. “Togetherness”.

So stop teaching your girl how to grow up so she could handle her susral, teach her to grow up into a beautiful confident woman whose first priority is to get better education for herself and stand out from the rest. Stop labelling yourself “bechari”. Stand up for yourself and do something much more than just working up your marriage. Baby girl, if ure in abusive relationship or an abusive marriage dont give in, dont you ever feel abandoned and think that you cant get out of this. And even if you do, your life will be ruined forever. Fight for yourself. Stand OUT. SHINE. You get one life to spend, spend it wisely.
I love you all girls out there !!! Be brave and be smart❤️

thanks for reading