Just keep swimming....

I’ve been brought up to believe that mental illness is not something you talk about and should be brushed under the rug and ignored at all costs.

The problem is I’m struggling with my mental health at the moment and living with parents who don’t see this as being a valid ‘illness’ and keep telling me I just need to get over it.

For anyone who has been in the cycle of mental health, you know it’s not as easy as just getting over it.

I don’t see any light at the moment so having someone tell me just to get over it, is a tough pill to take at times. Just getting out of bed, getting dressed, getting to work and trying to function, is a massive struggle at the moment. All I want to do is stay in bed, not talk to anyone and detach from the world. I can’t though and know I need to keep pushing through as tough as it can be at times.

I do sometimes feel ashamed that I do let it get to me so much. I take on so many emotions, energies, problems that aren’t mine to carry but I do and then it wears me down. I feel as though I’m at a cross road in my life, my family keep at me that I need to get a government job, a career and keep grinding on the 9-5 path. I can’t do it. In my mind, the 9-5 is like being held captive and doesn’t serve me in any way, shape or form. I hate that I’m spending 8 hours everyday working towards someone else’s goals and that someone else has no value in my life and definitely doesn’t value who I am and the contributions I make to their vision.

So I’m constantly asking myself why?

I have this ever so small, far away hope that life is better than this. I believe life is what you make it and I definitely don’t feel like this is meant to be my life. I’m so down about things but it’s the environment as well, I’m not in a place where I feel valued and it’s spilling over onto all aspects of my life. It’s toxic and I need to do something to change it.....