Miss you less, see you more?
Albert Einstein is widely credited with saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
A bit like walking the same path and expecting to see something different? Anyway, I think 'insanity' is a harsh word in this case, perhaps 'stupid'. I have my reasons though.
It's just over four years since I left the UK, feeling seriously 'under the weather', holding grudges that could never be talked out, and looking back, probably suffering from anxiety and depression, attributable to the a fore mentioned, and separation from my daughter of whom I was seeing less and less as her life became busier and busier.
I made a huge decision back then to leave the UK. The sunshine helped conquer the winter blues, I worked on acceptance and forgiveness in relation to grudges held and those thoughts steadily slipped away, and the 1500 km between myself and my daughter reduced the expectations and disappointment of not seeing her each week. It wasn't really 'out of sight, out of mind', the distance just meant that if a visit was arranged, it would happen.
Six months or so ago I returned to the UK, my Grandad had passed, and I needed reliable income. There was also a not so small person that was growing up fast and long overdue a hug. The first few months were great with regards to seeing my daughter more, the school holidays and my lack of work to begin with provided many opportunities for us to meet and catch up, and I felt, and still feel, the connection to be as strong as it ever was.
However, the last month or so has been different. The festive period is usually seen as the time where family and friends see each other a little more. National holidays are common, and it's easy to make a full week or two up with vacation. Although my mother is in Spain, and my brother a fair journey away, I was hoping this break from work would provide plenty of opportunity to see my daughter, but sadly that has not be the case.
The last time I saw her was a couple of days before Christmas, we went out for lunch and exchanged gifts, and at the time I expected to see her prior to the New Year. It's now the 22nd of January, and we've not met in person since that day. Each week I've been in touch trying to organise some time at the weekend or the next one, but time plans have already been made, sometimes month in advance. I had no idea a 13 year olds schedule was so jam-packed.
That is the case though, and if you are reading this my love, I understand, I just figured we'd see each other a little more now I'm such a short distance away.
When I moved back, I said I'd give it a year or so and see where my mind was at, and how opportunities looked (in the sunshine) again elsewhere. The days are getting longer, work isn't so bad, and I'm not anywhere close to the mental state I was in 4 years ago, but this path wont suit me long term - I have a feeling I know where it would lead.
Thanks for reading,
Asher
Going home is a very tough thing to do, most of the time it never last. At least this time if when you make a move again, your daughter is of an age now that she will have a greater understanding of it, and a greater understanding of the love you have for her. She is getting close to that age where the wandering legs of travel will grab a hold of her legs and you will be in a position to help her understand the need, the want the desire, and she will have a place to go for her first alone/not alone trip. The future looks as bright or as dim as we want to make it.
When the time comes, shed as much light on your decision to her as you can. Show her the positives of why the move, speak of the future, acknowledge the past and live in the present.
Thank you for this comment.
This is the hope.
And I this one too with any luck :)
Words to live by, I'll keep on trying. Thank you.
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He is a useless cunt. kind of suits this shit show, confused, user, like the rest of them, they are kind of vile.
It must be difficult for you, a conundrum. I can't say I know how you'd feel as I don't have kids and am not in your situation, but I can imagine. I tried to think up something sage to say, but I've got nothing...I hope that writing it our provided some clarity, or at least some comfort.
That's OK. It's one put out for a my own benefit, but I appreciate people having a read :)
Yes, I expected as much.
You seem gloomy Asher. A song came to mind as I read this post - Rainbow by Southborder - "there's a rainbow always after the rain." Although the line may not always be true, I believe it's true for your situation. :)
I have a son and two daughters and I do feel the sadness being away from them. (I'm 3,000+ km away from them right now - a four-hour travel by plane)
Perhaps its the grudge that's holding you back? One of the teachings I learned from our church is, "learn to forgive so that you'll be forgiven."
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Hang on in there my friend.
Sometimes good times quickly follow the bad times.
Be patient, do your best, and see where it leads you to.
Wish you the best.
Hanging on in, and I do think better times are ahead in this regard.
Thanks for the comment, much appreciated.
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Jam packed schedule?
It has to be a boy.
She's a busy young lady - This old fart will have to wait :)
That sucks... disown her.
Well, that might be a bit harsh. Undermine some of her activities and get her socially shunned so her calendar opens up...
I might not be the best person for this :)
The 3rd point is the best :)
:)
This must be extremely difficult. I could not imagine not seeing my kids every single day. My world revolves around them. I walk with them and ride the bus every day rather than drive a car. I will keep you in my prayers, or thoughts.... a Golden Retriever would help. And a 13 year girl would visit you every day.... this is our puppy Lola. She just turned 1 years old... https://steemit.com/lifestyle/@offgridlife/lola-running-in-the-deep-snow-filmed-with-the-dji-osmo-pocket-camera
You would think after 14 years that I am used to it. I'm sure you do, but cherish the daily interactions you have :)
Golden Retrievers are beautiful dogs with kind hearts :)
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Yes I do.... the hardest part is letting them be teenagers,... they like to sleep in and spend hours on Instagram. So... even when they are there they are not. The Golden Retriever has helped us all reconnect. They are awesome Therapy dogs. ... I never ever wanted a dog. I was afraid of them. But my daughter wanted one so badly I gave in.... and it has been the best thing we ever did.
That is really heart-warming to hear, I'm glad you found a way to make it happen :)
Unfortunately I'm not in the position to own a dog (or a cat which I would also like) at present - one day :)
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Sorry to hear you're going through this, Asher. Virtual hug.
Thank you, I'll take it :)
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Moving back is definitely not easy in any way. It also seems that if you have been gone for a certain amount of time people have a hard time letting you back in. Hope things will get better. The dark, grey and cold winter doesn’t help, it effects the mental state quite a bit
Yeah I guess so, but do think that she's not against seeing me - there are just more interesting people to hang out with. Cheers Dan :)
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Engage your fucking daughter you dickhead!
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Thank you Barbara, I'm sure I will, just perhaps not as many as I'd like :)