I hate Apple, here's why.

You know, every so often I read something that makes me truly want to rip someone's brain out of their skull, brainstem and all. It could be an article praising the government, or perhaps some kind of gothic poetry. But that's not the reason I decided to write this today.

No, I'm writing this because I just read something that made me throw several computer parts across the room and yell very loudly at my monitor, which has since scared my other appliances into submission.

It's an article saying that, apparently, my peers believe Apple and its products to be "the coolest."

THE FUTURE OF PLANET EARTH IS NOW DOOMED.

Because, my friends, we can all agree that the sheer stupidity required by any generation to embrace a company like Apple borders on infinite. Allow me to fully explain the evil of this company thusly:

BEGIN HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION

The computer as it was before Apple came along could be compared to an average American car. Obviously they vary greatly, but there are industry standards that keep the variations in check and everyone can work on their own themselves or take them to professionals for it.

Then along comes the Apple company which produces a new type of car. It goes a bit faster, but it has 3 wheels. The steering wheel is on the wrong side. It comes in a vast variety of neon colors, with the kind of plating that can't be painted on. The motor uses a completely different mechanism for combustion, and so no one in the auto industry knows how to service it or get new parts for it except Apple. It can still technically drive on the same road since it's a motor vehicle, but a new option has to be created for licensing. The iCar has its own catagory, under 'Automobile' and before 'Motorcycle.'

Worse yet, the iCar is completely incapable of towing anything, being used off-road in any way, or of being modified internally or externally. It comes as-is and requires an Apple technician to fix or change.

Obviously this poses a problem, but the automotive experts are confident that the idea will fall through and die out. However, it gains popularity, since most people don't care that much about modifying their vehicle or about using it off-road - and so now it becomes the cool thing to do. And so now who controls the entire automotive industry? Why, Apple, of course.

END HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION

This is surprisingly accurate. I would love nothing more than to see Apple die a slow, horrible death. Its acceptance by the youth of this country has convinced me that the next generation is full of complete idiots, and they all must die.