Pen of a broken heart

"I love you and only nothing can change that" those were the sincere lies he filled me in with when he took my virginity. He was the best boyfriend any girl would ever wish for until he told me the very truth he had hidden for seven years.
Seven years of endless abortion,hurt,violence, and frustrating activities he ended up telling me he never loved me. I could sense seriousness in his words but he couldn't see frustration in my eyes. I begged him for a chance only to get a goodbye beating.
I have never been able to be in a healthy relationship because each time a guy comes around I'll either decline your proposal or make the relationship unbearable. I need to forget him because its not helping me but I still feel the hurt and can't stop crying out of guilt. @jackdogho brought back this memories