The cursed I made to the days I was despised...and cease to see God in my life...#steemit redirects and I am grateful..

Steemit change my way of life in many ways..

A flashback...Each day I am worried over things that I am not too. Before I met steemit...since my business is manage by a friend and I just need to check some things going on there. I have a lot of time for my family. I do a lot of errands and hands on with greatkid, @iamjeydii and the household needs. I am the one buying things for the family. I am everything that I can for the betterment of everyone.  It was a routine that I never see it a negative I am happy doing it. But seems I never gave time for myself. I never have a time to ask what I need. Never did I speak up about myself....and what I want...and I felt...they never did the same way too to me...they are very much particular of what they knew is right for them taking me aside of the picture. 

There came a time that I want to say something to small flaws in the house but I did not manage to do so...I was very busy with the things I do in the house until one day...I just speak up my thoughts brutally and since I never used to speak my mind all of those unheard agony was spoken out...and  never took it positive...we started to argue over things until one day I found out he cease to see my importance...he wanted out of my life so he made it possible in his way.

I felt dismay in everything happened and I cease to trust this life again...I cease to believe that doing good is the best conviction in Life...I even cease to see God and trust on Him. I curse every day that pass through after you left and I never knew how you feel about it.

I never see the guilty feelings in you and I hated it...when everyone asked me the kind word "HOW ARE YOU" the more I hate this world. People have no right to ask me anything about how well I am!!!!. My anger goes too high that I never want to see people...It goes too high that I cursed the world...should I have power to destroy the world I should have done it. If I have power to bring apocalypse to us I should have command the wand to do it...I angered more than hell...I was too furious to forget what God has taught me long long time ago...

even wanting to kill myself

<p><center>YES TO KILL MYSELF...I WAS DESPERATE THEN...I cried in agony...I cried as if the heaven and hell can hear me!!!!</center></p>

But it never happened...In one way or the other...the little palm of #greatkid woke me up and wipe my tears. He came inside my room and talk to me some child nonsense talks...and said he loves me!!! and I cried passionately and he hug me tight. I don't know what comes in my heart...the little touch melt my anger to more tolerable one.

<strong>I still flare up...maybe I need a professional psychiatric session and I am willing to undergo it.</strong>

Then I started to open my laptop again ... and do the usual way I am handling my wrath. I started to blog all the feelings that I have. 

I do it everyday..one of my post deal about it...the other on the reality...others on some greatkid journal...#life ,#photography, #steemiteducation and a lot of stuff around.

My anger now is tolerable and I started to laugh and mingle with people. I met #steemitdiversify with @iwrite, @purpledaisy57 and @antonette giving me support in my journey...I never want to omit the other people who did their part in my journey. From them I learned about @surpassinggoogle and his #untalented curriculumn, #teardrops and his greatness of valuing #life...

...then I told myself 

<center>"what the sick of me to treat life a trash while others treats it a gem"</center>

I have met @beanz in #VOTU and inspires me a lot in life...I learsn so many things I went hanging up in her discord until I found it addicting so I went back i there from time to time...until It begun my way of life...I met good people there @sgt-dan, @steemit-graven, @molovelly, @ferybae, 

From @beanz I met @enginewitty and I learned a lot of things from him...Thanks a lot...

I stay in steemit for reasons..and that is vivid enough...

• It helps me treat my anxiety by letting me express my feelings
• I met good people in the platform
• It helps me a earn 

<center>and foremost I MET A FAMILY!</center>

I am staying for good...though I earn cents most of my post...I never cease to see the beauty of steemit. I even let people come in to steemit and feel the beauty of it and feel the greatness by themselves. steemit changes most of my conviction and redirect me back to what I am...to what I believe is good and most of all to be good.

photos taken from pixabay