Dear Sir or Madam

Thank you for your letter, a copy of which I attach for your convenience. In said letter you - Centerlink - assert I have a debt of over $26,000.

Ha!

Well good luck getting any of that back!

I am a wombat. Yes, I may have appeared in a favourite Aussie TV show from years gone, when my fur was softer and my arse less worn although there aren't any pictures left (if you paid more attention you may have seen me - even though between them, Sonny and Skip were pretty good at hogging the camera). But did I get any recompense?

Carrots. I got carrots.

The pittance received from you has been used up sprucing up the burrow.

You're welcome to try and find it.

I might just add that I ran into Skip the other day. He doesn't need any Centrelink payments. No. Royalties all the way for him.

So don't start on me. Wombats are superior in every way, and I'll bite yer arse if you say otherwise.