Hasif

To you, and only you.

I have a big soft spot for teachers in my heart. My mom is a teacher,my sister is a teacher,my best friend is a teacher, pretty much my whole life has been connected to this profession as me myself a teacher for over 30 years. I remember vividly every student that I taught.. Both of my daughters always wonder how I manage to remember every single student that we come across everytime we’re out in town. Honestly, I've been wondering the same thing.

He was in Year 5. A very cheeky boy he is. It was the year 1998 when I taught in SK sembulan. All of the 35 students of 5 Jaya were very dear to me, I still remember their names till these days, but Hasif was one in a million. A very smart looking little man with a very lively attitude. Basically, the live wire of the class I would say. Always very enthusiastic to be alive and that makes his occasional mischievousness delightful.

There’s never a single day that he did not get into my nerves. He talks a lot,runs a lot and also eats a lot! I remember having to scold him over and over again to not eat in the class. That’s the everyday cycle. I remember the first time I confronted him and said “ Hasif,Please, No eating No talking while I’m teaching, I have told you a million times! ”. It came to my surprise when he replied enthusiastically
“ Okay Cikgu, Thank you for correcting me!” with his very thick Malay slang. I honestly did not know how to reply. Should I be mad? Should I scold him even more? Hm I chose to just smile instead.

There was this one day I sort of felt emotional when I couldn't really cope any longer with Hasif anymore as he kept on getting distracted in my class. I get him to stand outside while his hand is in the air. As I continued with the lesson, I then glanced at Hasif to see how he was doing, he winked at me with full cheekiness. Yes, he did that! I couldn’t hold my laugh. I walked towards where he stood and before I could say anything he went “ Thank you Cikgu for correcting me. I’ll do my best in the future! “ I couldn’t help but smile, this boy Hasif is really something. The class cheered as they’re also entertained.

As days goes by, Hasif keeps on being Hasif. My usual cycle of “correcting” him goes until one day I received the news that his father was sentenced to 20 year jailtime due to committing a crime. It was heartbreaking to know the most lively and cheerful boy in the class had to go through such a thing. My everyday English class was no longer the same. It was cold as ice. There’s no more laughter. The usual vibe is not even there and Hasif did not talk as much as he did before. It doesn’t feel right. I’m devastated.

One Monday, I decided that this has to stop. The kids are not as active as before. This crankiness has to come to an end before it goes out of hand. So, what I do is that I give all of my students a piece of paper where they will write their name on top of it. The concept is, every student will pass their paper to the next person as the next person would have to write about what they feel about that particular friend. I told them to write nice things that they always wanted to say about each other. The process continues until the paper gets back to its owner. It took them half of the class period to finish the task, and as the students left the room, Aminah smiled, Farid smiled, Husna Smiled and of course, Hasif. “ Thank you for teaching me, teacher” he left with a smile crafted on his face.Grinning from ear to ear. It warms my heart.
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That group of students moved on. I’m getting new batches on and on. Teaching was really fun. After all the years, My days teaching in SK Sembulan still gives me a sense of purpose.

One day, I’m on my way to the teacher’s room when I stumble upon Madam Halimah, guru besar of the school. She glanced at me and simply said “ Cikgu,...” Madam Halimah cleared her throat as she usually did before saying something important. “I’m pretty sure you still remember Hasif right?” she began. I said “Yes, of course. I haven't heard of him for years, I wonder how Hasif is. Madam Halimah replied quietly “ He was killed in a mass shooting in Christchurch yesterday. His mother would love for you to come to the kenduri tahlil tomorrow.”

We all know that Hasif has grown to be a great fantastic man. We always know that. He chose to start a new life in the deep down after completing his studies in Otago University. To this day I still cannot forget the day I received the news. All I could think at that moment was, Hasif, I would scold you everyday and let you talk in the class all the time if I knew this would ever happen. I remember clearly how it was in his kenduri tahlil. It was packed with all of his classmates. After all of us finished reciting the Yasin prayer to pay our very last respect and love to the deceased, Hasif’s mother came to me and said. “There’s something I want you to see”. She took out a box that had a piece of paper in it. “Hasif talked a lot about this thing you gave him Cikgu. He always talks about you”. I knew without looking, that the papers were the ones on which I asked the whole class to list good things they want to say about their friends. “Thank you so much for doing this Cikgu. Hasif turned out to be incredibly a happy child after what you did,you had no idea how much he cherished all that”.

Suddenly, all of his classmates gathered behind me, Farid smiled and said “ I still had my list Cikgu!, I put it under my drawer”. Then Aminah said” Me too Cikgu,it’s in my diary. Zahid continued and said “ Eh for real lah? We have it also in our wedding album” Mei Chan nodded. And suddenly aishah went “ Guys, I think we all still have our lists.” and she smiled..

Here am I in deafening silence,as I let my tears stream down my face. Oh Hasif, if only you were here to witness all this.