Deer Medicine Tattoo and a Quest for Wholeness
"When you get inked, you are taking part in a ritual to cross the threshold, the veil between the conscious and unconscious mind. This begins your quest for inner wholeness. Delving into the primordial waters of your unconscious brings forth a wealth of knowledge and deep healing for your spirit. Understanding the past helps you to resolve inherent conflicts and traumas so you are less likely to repeat patterns in your life that no longer serve you any purpose." - Lisa Barretta, Conscious Ink: The Hidden Meaning of Tattoos
Patti braved driving 4.5 hours in a snow storm to show up for her first tattoo appointment with me, during the worst winter on record in Hastings Highlands in over 20 years. Bless you Patti for your determination! That determination would also be the driving force of Patti's intention to transform an enormous burden of guilt and grief over the death of her partner, Kathy, who was killed in a car accident. Patti's first tattoo was a symbolic phoenix rising with a triskellion in its core and phrases in the abstract wings that represent a memorial to her eternal love relationship with Kathy, a love that transcends death.
Adding to Patti's complicated grief was her own accident that resulted in a concussion, followed by cognitive deficits, that left Patti struggling to connect thoughts to words, with memory challenges and confusion about her identity defined by others outside of herself. Patti would recount her frustration at being perceived as a man, or called "sir" by some people. Her tattoo process over the course of 2017 became a journey toward self discovery and wholeness, becoming her authentic, sovereign self, undefined by others.
"After a year of 'undefining' myself, I've learned a lot about who I am not. 2018 is dedicated to shaping who I am. Digging deeper, learning more, accepting more, living in my own skin, exploring what it is... and whatever it is... Because, I sure learned that by others' yard sticks and metrics, I'll never add up. Square pegs can't be hammered into round holes, and I'm done trying."
The wounds of the soul that once caused confusion, deep patterns of self sabotage and mistaken identity start to come to the surface, beckoning to be healed. This healing paradox is brought to life by bringing consciousness to the tattoo experience. I often refer to the conscious tattoo as a "sacred wound" wherein a controlled trauma is applied to transmute the original trauma and open a portal to healing. There is an ancient Vedanta saying, "removing a thorn with a thorn".
The Celtic sword on Patti's right arm with the word, beauty, mirrored in the hilt, symbolically affirmed her inner strength on her masculine side. Around the sword are patterns of energy currents that spiral and sweep - very active and focused, like the slashes of a sword cutting through illusion.
When things manifest bigger than you originally planned, something bigger may be breathing you. At the foundation is the willingness to surrender to a deeper experience within the self and beyond the self which can start a chain reaction of healing.
Patti came in for more ink after successfully completing another physically challenging Spartan race and connecting with the SISU Endurance Team that she was invited to join. On Patti's forearm the energy currents of her sword morph into a SISU creating a double eternity energy helix swirling around the Mjølnir aka Thor's hammer, described in Wikipedia as, "the most fearsome weapon in existence, capable of leveling mountains". Wikipedia also defines SISU as a "grim, gritty, white-knuckle form of courage that is typically presented in situations where success is against the odds...deciding on a course of action and then sticking to that decision, even despite repeated failures." This tattoo both symbolizes and celebrates determination. And here is revealed the golden thread of that same determination that braved a fearsome winter storm, refusing to give up, weaving throughout all of Patti's tattoos in one connected theme.
When you brave your life story and you start becoming the author of it, something comes to life that is bigger than your previous awareness of who you are and what is your place in the bigger picture. Patterns start to emerge that others notice, such as seeing shapes within your tattoo design that were not consciously intended by the artist or client.
Synchronicities that match in frequency manifest and harmonize into alignment, such as Patti's desire to have a part of her most recent tattoo to be hand poked with a deer bone tattoo needle, that I had just made and offered to her after she told me about her waking dream vision of a mystical reindeer the previous night. While we were having this conversation, Patti had a whole body reaction to an article about remembering the Deer Mother of the Winter Solstice, texted by a friend who will be teaching her Reiki in 2018. This whole body sensation told Patti that this was the tattoo she needed to be receiving at this time.
The deer medicine tattoo grew from a seed. I don't know when that seed was originally planted, but it was activated while filming an episode on the Iceman for Discovery Channel. I agreed to participate in an archaeology experiment to tattoo someone with replicas made of the tools found on the Iceman who was found in the Alps. Something about the experience of tattooing by hand bone resonated deep within me. I knew that one day I would revisit this method and tool.
Fours years ago, I acquired a few deer leg bones from a friend, upon my request. At the time I chose deer leg bone because deer were not in danger of being over hunted and I felt that the leg bone would offer me a strong, hard but not too brittle of a bone to work with, that would also hold a good sharp point. Looking back, something in me was resonating with deer bone, but I was not consciously aware of any other reason for choosing deer bone. I kept the bones in the freezer until we had moved to our new home where we now reside.
During the early part of December, I made 15 deer bone needles out of pieces of deer leg bones that I had cut during the summer. Feelings started to emerge in me that compelled me research the symbolism of the deer in ancient and indigenous cultures. In many indigenous cultures the deer is a symbol of the heart, and the heart chakra. The deer teaches the power of gentleness to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings.
Patti was coming in for her next session just before the winter solstice, so I asked her if she would like to do a small section of her tattoo with the hand poke method using a deer bone needle that I had made. I felt this would breathe life into the tattoo and could represent the heart beat of her new tattoo. Patti was delighted and expressed an interest in getting something representing the female reindeer of her vision, which doesn't shed her antlers in the winter like the male does. This was very appropriate because it was winter solstice and the Deer Mother was associated with this season, thus making the deer a powerful symbol of the feminine which would balance and harmonize her masculine side.
I mapped a female deer skull on Patti's left arm with a goddess figure in the core with her arms outstretched and curled in. I tattooed the head and arms of the goddess with the deer bone and my wife, Raven video recorded the process. When Raven saw the tattoo, she saw a heart shape made by the arms and head of the goddess (which I had not consciously intended), and the deer skull with antlers looked like a mammalian heart with the antlers looking like the pulmonary arteries, vena cava and aorta that were embracing the stylized phoenix memorial tattoo. The phoenix, deer skull and Celtic cross on her forearm are woven together with sacred geometry flower of life pattern that will be completed at a later date.
In this video Patti aka Aunt Tatti, and I speak about the deer medicine tattoo experience from our own perspectives.