Death Before Dying

Everyone deals with pain differently, no one is exempt from the emotional or physical experiences we have in life which makes us human.

Some may self medicate or simply hide their hurting heart behind a fake laugh and smile.
People can become workaholics running away from the everyday pressures of life or challenges and struggles at home.

None the less however we choose to face our fears, disappointments or failures. We can find excuses to justify putting a band-aid over a check engine light and never fix the real problems.

I like many others have lived this way for a great deal of my life. Living with self hatred because of growing up in a broken home with parents divorced, being physically abused by my step father, sexually abused by baby sitters and bullied in school because of being over weight.

I found myself getting into the wrong crowd partying. They made me feel loved and accepted for who I was, I finally felt like I belonged.

However this was not the case it was just an escape, a very dark self destructive path leading me to imprisonment or the grave! That's precisely what happened I went to jail and almost died several time from drinking and driving.

I felt like giving up many times and strongly considered ending my life because of hopelessness, but God saved me! I found faith in Jesus Christ He became the hope, love and healing I'd always been looking for after I'd hit rock bottom, burned every bridge and lost everything!

God accepted and forgave me after all the evil things I had done. Then He taught me how to forgive all those who had hurt me even forgiving myself.

He gave me a new life, wiped my slate clean, put my awful past behind me and filled me with such joy and love I had never experienced before. I was like an old beat up car restored back to an even better condition. I didn't see the beauty in me but God did! Now I have my own beautiful family and give my life to missions.

I lost my mommy a few years ago to suicide and I've lost many friends the same way. My mother always seemed so happy. I being an professional actor should have recognised her theatre skills but like Robin Williams she hid it so well. I didn't really know how bad she was hurting.

There's many things I wished I'd done differently but I now take peoples feelings more seriously and try hard to be more present, understanding, compassionate and attentive.

I don't blame anyone for her own personal decision. However is took a long time to get over personal guilt that I could've done more. I just want people to know that no matter how hopeless things may seem there's always someone who cares about you even if it feels like your all alone.

The night is darkest before the dawn and things will get better no matter the temporary moment of suffering and death appealing to be the only choice ending the emotional crisis you're in!

My mother died inside long before she was dead. It just took the perfect circumstances to give her the final edge she needed to make her final decision. It was a mixture of prescription drugs and alcohol that ended my mother's life.

I later found out she'd been taking an antidepressant that was known to cause suicide. I'm not against prescription medication but my mother wasn't in her right mind when she ended her life.

I believe there's more healthier natural methods to help bring healing to the mind, body and spirit. I recently watched an excellent documentary found on YouTube addressing this very subject called, "Making a Killing."

Whether or not you believe in God. I just want you to know you're extremely precious, valuable and you have an amazing purpose in this world, you're not a mistake and there's someone who always loves and cares about you more than you'll ever know!

DON'T EVER GIVE UP ON HOPE!!!

God bless you!

This Blog is in loving memory of my beautiful sweet precious mommy
Julia Lynette Corliss