Metamorphosis

She loved to talk to me, she put her burden on me and that was my favorite part of our friendship. I think I’m a great listener, but I have to say I had no idea as to how much I didn’t understand or discern.
She’s undeniably strong but these things made her so weak. She’s so beautiful but this made her ugly and dark on the inside. Her smile lit up my day, but it totally stole it from her, she had so much love to give but had most lost, the little left, she locked up and hid away.
I didn’t know her until she had healed, just the phrases she tells me about how far she has come. I grew fond of her, just as every other person who has the benefit of knowing her would. Well, she grew fond of me… we metamorphosed to something more in such a short time, it made me the happiest guy in the room.
I had no idea what I had done, I had just approached the part of her that was locked and hidden, she seemed so okay I didn’t think things could possibly go south from there. She said words I didn’t wanna hear, and she meant them all. She told me she couldn’t love, but as every guy in my shoes would act, I thought persistence was what she wanted. That didn’t work, I got worked up and hurt. I know you feel something for me, I’m not the most sensitive guy, but I swear what I saw in her eyes was what I felt in my heart. But the words that came from her mouth were the exact opposite, and she wasn’t lying…
I was beat down, could not get myself to comprehend what was going on, and it was the first time I found myself in such a situation. I really didn’t know how to handle it. Then it happened, just has how most great finds happen, I bumped into her… the whole of her, by absolute coincidence.
She had expressed herself on her notepad, just saved on her computer. It was early in the morning and I tend to read at that hour every day, just didn’t have any of mine to read so I decided to read something on her system, maybe a book, was going for anything really. I wasn’t any more elaborate than the things she said to me, but I felt I was living inside of her and could see things from her perspective. I could feel the pain she felt, the force that propelled her to make the note.
I felt stupid. She wasn’t healed, she was healing. And I brought my bullshit and drama to someone who was trying to get out of one. I don’t wanna loose her. I felt like I was, but after the read, I realized what I needed to do. I needed to be me, the me she wanted to talk to till the break of dawn. I’d give up anything to have that.
I admit I want more from her, but the truth is I’m not ready for her or anyone at that. I have to work on myself, be a man deserving of the beautiful woman that she is. So maybe the fact that she’s not ready to give herself to anyone is a blessing to me, and by the time she’s ready, I’ll be more deserving of her.