Evening reflections of a girl

Do you know what an ideal evening is? Yes, everyone has his own. And now I have such an evening, which I consider ideal. I'm alone. I'm drinking tea. I'm looking at Sherlock. Is not it beautiful?

So, what I wanted to talk about today ... Recently, I realized that I live, rather in the imagination, than in the real world. Why? Because I do not like reality. I'm sure that a huge number of people do not like their life. They do not want to go to hateful work every day, come to an apartment where they feel uncomfortable, talk to people they would not talk to in their life, but they must-forcing work, school, circumstances. So, I'm one of those people. However, in addition to this, I take a special and, as it seems to me, that today is an exceptionally rare type of people. I'm a sociopath. All my conscious life I denied this. Use the word sociopath to me a couple of years ago - I would say that you are out of your mind, and that this concept does not apply to me at all. Now everything has changed. It is difficult for me to communicate with people, to support secular conversations. Hell, I do not even talk to my classmates. And you know that the worst thing is that I feel so comfortable. Yes, I do not want to communicate with people. And I like it. I treat this as my own peculiarity, but it's hard for me to adapt to life with it. Life, study, other components of a typical human existence require social interaction, but I try to avoid it ...

Of course, this is difficult, and more often than not, I just have to, but I still try to communicate only if necessary ...

And here's another. Do you often try or want to be who you really are not. I constantly. I want to read books, I want to wean myself from watching TV shows (not so that they do not look at all, and not be dependent on them), I want to be more fun, find inspiration in small things, do not pay attention to trifles. But I can not. More precisely, to become such, I have all the possibilities - only it is necessary to apply a few efforts. However, some part of me, which is quite comfortable to lead such a lifestyle, which I lead, stops me. And I can not resist it. Therefore, I often look at people who possess these qualities, and admire. And, however, maybe I just do not need this to be. Maybe I should be what I am, without trying to change something in myself ...

To argue so it is possible very long, but a question in other - and whether costs?