That Happy Noon

As I walk through the door for probably the millionth time,into this place I call my home, I have a feeling something is off,something I couldn't place my finger on at the time,but also couldn't shake the feeling off.
That's when I start remembering.

I walk to the kitchen,where the wine glasses from previous noon stand on the counter,still untouched,making the room smell sour yet sweet,just like memories.So much has happened in the past 24 hours,I can barely get my head around it, and yet these glasses remind me of how it was just yesterday,everything seemed so fine and happy. Like things were finally going to be alright and life was going to work itself out for us.We were going to be happy.

"How about the mountains, we could camp by the stream, some hot coco, marshmallows...you and me?" He said,flashing that smile of his.From the very first time he smiled like that at me,I knew I'd never be able to say no.And he knew the power he possessed over me, I would melt,give in. I smile back,that goofy,seepish,teenage first crush-weak in the knees smile. While I mentally make a note of how I need to stop doing this.He knows it's a yes,it always is.

"Let me go grab some essentials from the store while you prep for dinner then" he says, placing his glass on the counter,half filled.He kisses me on the head, he hasn't done that in a long while.I'm happy.He leave's his phone on the counter alongside his unfinished drink, that's unusual I think.He never forgets his phone,it is practically like a part of him, but I don't think much of it.

I remember wondering what the dinner must be? Pot roast or the stew that he loves.Just as I get the pan ready,his phone beeps,first softly then incessantly.I pick up thinking it's something important and he might take a while to get back.

"We need to talk,I can't do this anymore,when are you going to tell her,talk to her,I can't stand the thought of her in your bed next to you every night" the voice on the other end says,half breathing half sobbing. I feel like I've been punched hard in my chest,as if all the air has been knocked out of my lungs.My legs buckle underneath me,just then he returns looking concerned, one look at me and he knows, he knows that I know.

"I can explain hon." he says,struggling to find the right words.I let the phone go, drop it like it's on fire.I feel so numb,I'm not sure what is it that I feel, is it grief,pain, betrayal,or is it anger,rage?!! I run upstairs into the bedroom,locking the door behind me. Grab what's the most convenient,t-shirt,jeans,a sweatshirt and my toothbrush. Pick my phone and the handbag from the bedside table,knocking the lamp over in my hurry,but I'm not bothered,not bothered to pick it up not bothered whether he'll walk back into the room and hurt himself walking over the glass.

I go downstairs and head straight for the door,he doesn't stop me. Doesn't say a word. I remember standing on the porch wondering where would I go? How long? Will he come for me? Where will he find me.And I start walking.