The Adventures of Traman Issue #1

I walked to the kitchen to grab some IBprophen I spelled that wrong so I yell shoot because I'm ah-ah-ah-a perfect saint. It was 8:41 when I found out my PC was possessed because the scrolling thing would scroll up randomly. My Daddy came to my room and asked sonny boy whatchu doin' he said it like that becasue he does drugs and he has become black due to it. I responded to him saying "I'm talking to my friends" He asked what friends and I was like dad you're so barbarian and he was like no sonny boy I'm savage so he yelled quickly and tore open his shirt revealing his unshaved chest. and he told me "Yo come downstairs the fire's cooking us dinner". I asked what we're having he said I don't know a dead duck on a cinder block. I walked calmly down the stairs and I saw my mom in the fire. Dad said well sonny boy the fire has chosen your mom. He slowly started to tear off pieces of her body and ate her until the only thing left was her leg. I was very angry and yelled "DAD GO AWAY" so he went away in his giant broken shirt cape and left. I used the money I inherited from my dead mother to build an underground gold cave where 15% of it would mine Bitcoin to fund more of my things. I became very successful when I was walking outside one night I saw someone getting mugged by some guy with a broken beer bottle. I ran fast to help the man, but when I got there the guy with a beer bottle called himself the savage beef I looked into his eyes and he said sun iz that yous? I said yes father he said well help me mug this man and I said I don't mug people I give money and help people. My father looking at me disappointed started to sprint at me so at the last second I dodged him he ripped and stabbed his eye out with the broken beer bottle and passed out. I called the cops and told them about the crazy man known as the Savage Beef. I took the man that almost got mugged back to my house and told him to make himself at home. The man told me his name was Ryder and that he was a local hobo finding a place to work for food, water, money, or shelter. I told him he can stay with me Until he can sustain himself and he could have as much food as he'd like. I ordered a pizza of his choosing for him with a can of Mountain Dew he thanked me and I went down to my golden Cave where I had all sorts of stuff like my PC and personal way of transportation called the cash cart. tune in next time for "THE ADVENTURES OF TRAMAN"