in the (personal) moment

Sometimes you need to write (or talk) something down because you feel like bursting, like you really need to share your (personal) story of the moment with someone, even if you don’t know them or never will read any comment on your story, just simply knowing it’s shared and out there is enough.
This is one of these moments for me. I feel like bursting if I can’t at least talk.
For 18 years know I live in a tiny apartment, not ideal, but since money rules and I am single by choice this does allow me to have a decent living. Having enough money for example to travel every year or 2 to the UK etc…. First I rented this place for several years, then I was asked to buy it, and because of money limitations this was the best choice, since the monthly payment for the loan is still a lot less than the rent of a bigger (better) living place.
About a year after I bought my apartment drama occurred with the neighbor living right next to me: unfortunately he decided to kill himself with an overdose of pills… Although it wasn’t a total surprise (he was depressed for years) yet, I did sleep on the other side of that wall when he died, and being psychic I was caught up into the energy of it anyway and in the months after that an immense battle for my soul’s welfare took place. During that time I was actually scheduled to make a start in bringing out my own work into this world… And I had to postpone that because of this.
About 6 months after this drama a new neighbor arrived: a very young boy who now for about a small year terrorizes the whole building with his way of living. Upon till know this always has been an apartment building with decent average middleclass people living in it that know each other for years and respect each other. But that’s over it seems and although they are alerted the police doesn’t seem to act at all.
The new neighbor is a drug addict. He starts living when you and I crash in our couches after a full day. His friends arrive round 9pm or later and they shout and have a party all night long… So I can’t sleep anymore. You would say:”Why don’t you talk to other neighbors, the police, his landlord?” Well, I did all of that. I talked first to his landlord, complaining he didn’t stick to the written house rules and to a neighbor… Shortly after that I overheard (thin walls) them over thinking if the word “welcome” on my doormat wanted to say if they could come in when I was absent (5days nightshift). And I overheard them discussing what I had said to the neighbor and their landlord….
At a certain point I decided to go and ask a confidential talk with the local police. They politely nodded, wrote my phone down. It took them 4 months to reply!!! Nevertheless I told them I was concerned and also that I had the safety risk more or less solved for the time being… For that to do I had written the neighbor a letter in which I clearly stated that I didn’t put in complaints any more since the first one. Because for some weird reason every time someone calls the landlord to complain about the noise they are convinced it’s me, and it’s not since I fear for my safety.
Thank goodness there was someone at work I could talk to until now. He used to be a serious addict too but since he’s in a wheelchair depending upon us (his assistants) he had to sober up or leave. These days he only smokes a bit of cannabis here and there. The past few months he really teached me how to stay out of trouble with my neighbor and his friends. But since a few days I hear them saying his name too. So after talking in good faith with him and the police again they found out somehow…

The problem is that you can’t sell an apartment next to a place filled with junkies … It doesn’t sell and even then I wouldn’t have the money to buy another apartment since they are all much more expensive…

Another reason I want to keep this tiny place is that my dream is to be able to move to the UK or Norway. With the Brexit coming up that might mean I will still need to have a legal address in Belgium and this place would be ideal for it.

I feel totally let down by the Belgium police: when my neighbor killed himself they didn’t even bother to knock on my door to ask if I needed psychological help, and now I just don’t know anymore who I can trust or talk too. The only thing I do know is that if this continues I won’t get out of this undamaged. Last week he wanted to set his place on fire, this week they are all into pointing at me again … And I am absolutely stuck… and ill again for the second time in 3 months and I normally never am ill.

Yet I still hope for a good outcome, try to live a good life, but ...