Lessons in Love - A Scattered Last Goodbye - The Pain of Completely Cutting out what's Precious yet Senseless

Today i sent what i knew would be the last of thousands of messages i had exchanged with a particularly special person who played a large role in my life over the last 3 years, it's hard to say goodbye to someone when there's so much you want to bring up, so many things about them which caused you to feel so much love, hatred, disappointment, as well as all these other emotions which you had never experienced with such intensity. It gets to the point where you have so much to say, that you end up saying almost nothing at all. One thing that can be made certain however is that every expressed emotion, whether it be bitterness or compassion or anything else, the attached feelings are real, and that's the most important thing.

I Appreciate it,

However, obtaining the actual money you owed me was not the purpose of this, if you want ill give it back, I just wanted to see where your head is really at ethically, and the fact that you had to feel like you were backed into a corner in order to decide to pay me back makes me sad, observing your true characteristics is devastating, It makes me feel ridiculously stupid that my perception of you was so blind for so long, I'm not gonna deny i impulsively said some fucked up shit when I was at my worst to you and deserve blame as well for it, but I never contributed to any of the shit that has been said about you regarding recent events, even though sometimes I felt the urge to.

All I can say is I have not and would never break the bonds of my loyalty above all else to anyone I've promised it too. I hope this trait exists in those you consider closest, and if so I hope you keep them there.
Despite the fact that on the surface right now all I wanna do is spew hatred and hurtful things in your direction, at the end of the day deep down I'll still always be here for you, i wish you woulda let me confess what I wanted to tell you that time but it doesn't make much difference now.

There's probably more I wanted to say but I know you don't care anyway so I will end all of this with - when I think about you I'll only think about what you meant to me and how happy you Made me feel at your best, even if you were just using me, I have not felt alive in the same way since then.

Maybe one day you'll see the reality, or you can just continue with your cycle of guys in hopes that one of them will make you feel the way you felt with that one person you thought was the one, either way I hope it works out for you.

Regardless, if I don't get to see you before the end, it was both an immense pleasure and intense pain to spend the last few years fixated on you, thanks for everything, the good and the bad.Good luck, take care.

• Myself, your fucked up flawed former best friend.