One too Many.....

This is a direct invitation into my thoughts and imaginations. Enjoy..

"You get very attached, and then you leave without looking back, without feeling a thing" my brother in-law had said during a family round table conversation. We were discussing Relationships and love and I was the topic of the day since I had just walked out of a relationship barely 5-months old. I Shrug nonchalantly to indicate that I didn't really care, wanting the conversation to end quickly and move on to the next person as I already knew the angle this was going. But that seemed to be the beginning. Everyone had an opinion. "You have a baby's attention Span, this minute you are very Interested in something and you are focused solely on that thing and the next thing, you have dropped it and moved on like it never happened". I shrug again rolling my eyes, the strategy is to keep quite and not try to defend myself so the conversation can pass quickly. Again, that didn't work. " Have you ever tried dating your friend"…" Are you sure you aren't being to picky"…." You date out of pity" " you only live in the moment".....

The conversation had gone on and on for about an hour , I learnt , unlearnt, and relearnt . I understood perfectly what everyone's concern was and I appreciated the different perspectives, advices and views. But what happens when there has been one too many betrayals? I would tell you. You lose trust in People, You see the lies before you see the truth, you dig in and dissect everything and anything. You are doubtful, you are on edge, and always on guard.
On a general note, let's not limit it to just Romantic Relationships alone. How about Friendship? Have you ever been betrayed by a friend? A friend you had so much trust in and you find out this person was more than your enemy and wouldn't blink to Divulge personal informations about you and even go ahead to slander your person. How did you feel? did you trust someone else after that encounter? I doubt that.
I started my first relationship as a teenager, and it lasted 8 agonizing years. I shouldn't forget to mention that Grooming is an actual thing. So mention anything you think is wrong or abnormal in a relationship , you would find it in that 8 years I mention. I would leave that to your personal imaginations.
I eventually left when the relationship became publicly violent and a restraining order had to be issued .
Those 8 years were my learning ground, I saw all that needed to be seen and I took from there what I wanted for myself and what I dare not even imagine for myself .
I've had 3 serious relationships all my life. The first lasted 8 years while the other two were 8 months and 5 months respectively. So let me answer those questions from the beginning.
Do I have a short attention Span? Answer is No. I see what I don't want and I quickly move away because I understand what it feels like to linger in the wrong place.
Do I date out of Pity? Still No. I am a lover girl to the deepest core. So when I fall in love, I become blind and dumb. I don't see the sides,I infact cover up flaws from the public eyes,from my own family,from loved ones and that's how I always get fucked up.it takes a serious red flag to bring back the floods of memories and all I hear is RUN!! and oboy would I RUN.
Do I move on without feeling a thing? Nope!! I feel it all, the disappointment, the hurt, the heartbreak, I feel every bit of it all, if only my bedroom could talk. Lmao. But anything that makes me step out of my bedroom, the smile is back on , the vibe is complete, until the sun goes down and it's time to go back to my solace. I would rather cry alone than in the face of anyone at all.
Am I being to Choosy and Picky? NO and YES. there is no reason at all to settle for just anything or anyone. what's the rush for? Calm down Open eye select abeg.One would ask,In Selection, should finances be considered? How about Age or Height, or even background? it's up to you at the end of the day. As for me, no short man for me because I'm already short,what would happen to the kids? Age is but a number🤷. Background is important too and let's not forget the place of Sense. Sense is importantER. I personally get irritated with unintellectual conversations, no tangible discussions, just plain Instagram and Twitter celebrity gist and arguments. Okay BYEEEE.
Have I tried dating my Friend? No.. hmmm. Maybe that's the problem
Do I get too attached? YES I give a 100% ,no holding back. but I equally know how to turn it off and detach, pretending that we never happened.
Fool my once, Shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me, but Fool me thrice? Then I'm the real fool, the real idiot (in bobrisky's voice)
I enjoy my own company,500%. But when you stay away from heartbreaks, you are staying away from love because when you stop giving and loving like you did before you got hurt, you stop enjoying the most beautiful things in life. You stop living. There is always space for Love to Thrive.
Give Love a Chance again.