Eternal Befuddlement (Original Short Fiction)
The tormented soul of Christoph Grable plummeted into the blazing fires of eternal damnation before wrenching to a stop, paralyzed. He watched in horror as a behemoth of shadow and curling flame stepped towards him. He trembled as the vision of hell consumed him, but he had no head to turn away nor eyes to clench shut.
WELCOME TO YOUR ETERNAL PUNISHMENT, MISTER GRABLE.
The demon spoke in earth-shattering tones that bore down on Christoph’s very soul.
“Wh-wh-wh-what are you going to d-d-do to me?” he asked, more out of terror than curiosity. The demon turned him towards a wall of flame.
YOU WILL GAZE INTO THE FIRES OF HELL AS THEY SHOW YOU YOUR GREATEST SIN. YOU WILL WATCH IT IN GRUESOME DETAIL AGAIN AND AGAIN, REGRETTING IT MORE AND MORE, FOR THE REST OF TIME.
Christoph watched in horror as the flames formed themselves into a scene before him -- then his fear turned to confusion as he watched himself receive the Nobel Prize.
“Wait, that’s my greatest sin? Winning the Nobel Prize? Why would I regret that?”
The demon cackled madly behind him.
WATCH IT AGAIN, YOU WRETCH. YOU WILL UNDERSTAND SOON ENOUGH.
Christoph watched the scene play itself out over and over, only growing more confused.
“I don’t understand,” he said. “I won the Nobel Prize for developing the first Heuristic Adaptive Neural-Net. It progressed dozens of fields of science by leaps and bounds in the first year of its existence alone. It allowed for the synthesis of cutting-edge medical treatments, including the first 100% effective cancer treatment using nanobots. If anything, I should have gone to heaven for this.”
The demon spun Christoph around and pressed its face down against his, the flame tongues flicking out of its empty eye sockets.
YOU SEE ONLY THE BENEFITS, BUT THAT IS DUE TO YOUR SIMPLE HUMAN MIND’S SELECTIVITY. THE TRUTH IS THAT THIS TECHNOLOGY WAS THE FIRST STEP IN A TECHNOLOGICAL PROGRESSION THAT ENDED WITH THE ANNIHILATION OF THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE.
“Wait, what? That never happened.”
The demon roared with sadistic laughter.
OF COURSE, YOUR LIMITED TEMPORAL EXPERIENCE DID NOT ALLOW YOU TO SEE THE FULL REPERCUSSIONS OF YOUR WORK. THE ANNIHILATION OF HUMANITY WILL COME THOUSANDS OF YEARS INTO YOUR FUTURE -- BUT IT WILL BE BUILT ON THE TECHNOLOGY THAT YOU DESIGNED! YOU ARE THE MAESTRO OF MAN’S DESTRUCTION!
Christoph thought for a few moments.
“I hardly see how it’s my fault, though.”
The demon snorted, smoke erupting from its nasal cavities.
I JUST EXPLAINED HOW IT’S YOUR FAULT.
“No, you said that it was caused by technology based on mine, not that it was my technology specifically. You might as well blame Benjamin Franklin for discovering electricity, since my technology was based on that. You can’t blame me for something that someone else did.”
The demon reared its head back a bit.
NO, THAT’S NOT...ENTIRELY...ERR...EQUIVALENT. I MEAN, WELL -- HMM. HOLD ON A MOMENT.
The demon turned away for a few moments, then came back over to Christoph, flipping through a few documents. It appeared to be wearing small gold-framed spectacles.
Okay, let’s see here. The end of humanity...yada-ya...HANN is the foundation...hmm. No, that can’t be right. Let’s see. Section 4, sub-paragraph 17...mmm...okay, that looks right. But then that means...hmm...and then addendum 41B...right...hmm. Okay.
The demon lowered the documents and removed his spectacles.
WELL, THIS IS EMBARRASSING. IT SEEMS A DOCUMENT WAS MISLABELED. ONE OF THE LOWER-DOWNS MUST HAVE CROSS-REFERENCED THE WRONG TEMPORAL CODE. YOU KNOW HOW BUREAUCRACY IS. ANYWAY, I WAS SUPPOSED TO SHOW YOU THE PART JUST BEFORE YOU WON THE NOBEL PRIZE.
The demon spun Christoph back around and rewound the flames until they were showing his lab assistant expiring on the floor, foam frothing from his mouth, having been poisoned by Christoph just moments prior.
“Oh. That. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense.”
INDEED. TERRIBLY SORRY ABOUT THE MIX-UP. WELCOME TO HELL. ENJOY YOUR STAY.
Just something a little goofy, plus a spooky coincidence I noticed after typing this out in Google Docs. Remember kids, hell is no laughing matter.
666 - mark of the beast!
LOL, burning alive always sucks. But when you burn only enough to not die, now that's just downright irritating! I think the big question here is did Christoph slay his lab assistant because he realized he was secretly working for DARPA, and if so maybe deserves a 'get out of hell free' card. : - )