'The Other Town' - Steemit Story Chain #15 Where You Write the Story and 100 Whaleshares for the Winner
Welcome to the Steemit Story Chain
A very good afternoon to all of you Steemers, I hope your day is going well. It's Monday so it's time for another Steemit Story Chain where I invite you to continue writing a story that I will start. For the Steemer who writes the best part of the story there are 100 Whaleshares to be won.
I want to say a big thank you to all of you who contributed to the last story chain, particularly to @mydivathings, @lucyridingmoosey, @byn and @dq7513. You wrote some fantastic narrative so thank you for your efforts. After a long discussion with my co-judge @nikflossus we have now determined a winner.
@lucyridingmoosey
You demonstrated a great sense of imagination and created a nicely paced build up. In second place was @byn who wrote some gripping action and good visual description. You were closely followed by @dq7513 with a short but punchy piece of writing.
The winner, @lucyridingmoosey, has won 100 Whaleshares. Please reply with your Bitshares account information and I will send the Whaleshares to your account immediately. Enjoy! If you don't have an account don't worry it's very simple and completely free to set one up here - https://bitshares.openledger.info/?r=akrid-1.
A reminder of the winning entry is featured below.
Part 3
Hesitating for a moment I walked over to him. He was seated on a folding chair at small card table. Spread across the green felt was a mess of cards, dice, paper, pencils and other little ornaments. It looked like he was playing some sort of game.
'Hello again,' I said cautiously. I'd been thinking about what he'd told me all week. It had bothered me, particularly at night. So much so that I'd slept with the light on.
The man beckoned me closed. I leaned down.
'He draws ever closer,' he croaked.
'Who?' I said, feeling for some reason that I should pretend.
'You don't believe?'
I thought for a moment, remembering the terrible week I'd had. Feeling suddenly angry I stood up straight.
'Actually I'm not sure I do.'
'Then look.'
He pointed down the street. It was empty. There were no cars and no people. I watched for a while then looked back at him
'What?'
'Wait...'
We stood staring down the empty street. A slight breeze blew some old newspapers across the road. And then, in the distance, a car approached.
'Watch,' he said, gripping my arm tightly with his bony hands.
Slowly the car came towards us. It was red. The sun shone on the windscreen obscuring the driver. As it got closer I could see that it was old and battered.
'Now,' said the old man.
And suddenly, from one of the side streets, a small child ran laughing into the road...
Now let's move on to this week's new story chain entitled The Other Town. If you would like to write a part of the story then firstly upvote and resteem this post. I have written the first part of the story below and then all you have to do is use your sense of imagination to move the story on using the comment box. Be creative and original and of course have fun with it. You only need to write a short paragraph or two, and don't forget to number the part of the story you are writing.
This contest is sponsored by Whaleshares and I owe a big thank you to @akrid and @officialfuzzy. There are 100 Whaleshares for the winning entry. If you would like to learn more about Whaleshares and how they can increase your post rewards please visit https://steemit.com/whaleshares/@eirik/guide-on-how-to-use-whaleshares-updated-version where @eirik will gladly explain more to you.
The very impressive @nikflossus will be helping me decide which one of your contributions is worthy of the winning prize. We are looking for:
- A strong sense of imagination
- Creative intelligence
- Originality
- Narrative fluidity (ensuring the story chain links smoothly)
- Use of language, grammar and syntax (we need to understand what you're saying!)
The winner will be announced in a week's time. A new post will be published then announcing the winner along with a new story chain.
Part One of The Other Town
When it was mild enough we would enjoy our Sunday afternoon walks. It was just a few hours we would get to ourselves away from work, away from the kids. It was an escape for Nancy and I. The countryside backdrop made our walks very beautiful, but when there was snow there was something just special about our town. We loved it here. It must have been a few days before Christmas when we discovered it. A small wooden, cosy looking hut in the woods. The lights were on and smoke poured out of the little chimney. Puzzled by it and with the front door ajar, we peered in. There was not much inside but a staircase that lead down to what appeared to be a basement. No one lived here it seemed. We walked down the wooden steps and along the corridor for some fifteen minutes until we came to an opening. What we saw was something so beautiful and captivating that we were utterly mesmerised by it. This wasn't our town, but it was wonderful, a very magical looking place. How could this be? Where were we? In awe but also worried we walked back into the corridor and returned home. We sat on the veranda contemplating what we had just witnessed and whether we should return.
#3
As we looked at the captivating light, Nancy and I then spoke at the same time,"There's no way we're going back there, we were not suppose to ever find that place." she said. I agreed, yet it was so magical. So inspiring, I feel like a child again on the Eve before Christmas!
Do you remember when you were a kid, just how excited you were when Christmas came? I could not sleep a wink that night waiting up for Santa and leaving him cookies and milk under our tree! I wanted to catch Santa so bad! I believed in him and that he did indeed bring me presents! Why just the year before I wanted a sleeping bag so much and I got it from him! It was under the tree on Christmas morning and said:
( To: Jonathan From: Santa )
I was so happy that day and I loved my sleeping bag so much, now I could really enjoy being a Boy Scout with a proper and way cool Transformers sleeping bag. I was about 10 years old or so and still believed in the magical tale of Santa Clause.
That faded away after the next year or two entering middle school and friends telling me otherwise, that there was no Santa Clause or North Pole where they made children's toys. That did not make me feel so great. Now, with this beautiful excited, alive feeling inside I wanted to keep feeling this. I missed this feeling and I did want to go back to discover what it was we saw.
This is my entry
#2
Confused for mind but soothing for the heart it seemed to be.Having no idea what was happening with us.No idea where the stars were leading something struck my mind and suddenly I was shaking all along .
"Last night we made a made a wish while a star was falling that -may our angel guide us to the centre of peace and the horizon of love .
God
That captivating light was not some ordinary light ...
It was actually the horizon of Reality and Virtuality..That corridor was nothing but the chanells of our angel who was helping us to feel the peace of jingle bells of the soul within.The empty basement was actually a denomination that a part of our heart was empty for THE LOVE OF UNKNOWN was missing.
My knowledge of alchemy came to my rescue .I always knew peace was there but to see that we had to bid farewell to the nets of reality....I took her hand in mine and with a blaze in my eyes I crossed the corridor .....never to return...to dwell into the valleys of peace while my star guiding me.It was not a town... It was infact the valley of soul painted in the aroma of Christmas...
it was the other town- beyond the circles of hate and hatred....
Enrty #5
The detective paced back and forth in front me. The cold steel of the handcuffs against my skin made the hairs stand on my purple, blood-deprived wrists.
"What were you doing in that shack, Mister?" he asked.
"My wife, Nancy, and I were doing our business in there." I replied.
"What do you mean by business?"
"You know, business."
"If by 'business' you mean injecting the substance that left the residue on those burnt spoons and empty syringes into your veins, then I understand," he stated in a snarky tone.
"We- We don't like to do it in front of the children. Is sheltering your children a crime, sir?" I knew that I was out of line, but the poison had already worked its way out of my system and I was fiending for more.
"Let me be the one to ask the questions around here. Speaking of your kids, where are they now?"
"Tommy, our oldest, is at football practice. We just dropped him off a few hours ago. Claire went to a friend's house after school, and little Suzy is at home with my mother-in-law," I answered.
"Is that so?"
This guy was really starting to tick me off. "Yes, that's so! What are you trying to get at, pig?" I spat.
"After running your names into the system, our department was contacted by the Department of Child Services. It seems they've been looking for you and your wife." His stern expression grew harsher with each word. "Tommy's coach stuck around for two hours after practice with him, waiting for you two to show up. Claire's friend's parents, too. Luckily, each of them were nice enough to let your kids sleep at there houses. That was three days ago."
"No. No. I- I-" the words stuck in my throat. "I don't believe you!" I finally managed to shout. "My mother-in-law plays Bingo every Tuesday. Believe me, she would've called us to come home." I knew my words were the truth, Ma would never miss a shot at the twenty-five dollar jackpot at Bingo.
"We got in contact with her. She said she went by shortly after you guys asked her to babysit Suzy. She said when she got there the lights were out and the doors were locked. She assumed you guys grew impatient and took Suzy with you to drop Tommy off at practice and go 'grocery shopping', so she went home."
"What are you saying? Where is my baby?! Where's Suzy?!" Dread filled my body. I prayed to any God that would listen to let my fears be false.
His eyes fell for a moment, then rose again, meeting my own with a look of both pity and disgust. "Little Suzy wasn't so lucky. We broke and entered into your home. Upon search of the premises we found a locked door. After kicking in that door is when we made the discovery of a toddler, aged two to three, severly underweight, completely malnourished and barely breathing. Officers took turns administering CPR until paramedics arrived, at which point the toddler was transported to the local hospital."
"Well what the hell are we doing here?!" I could feel my blood boiling.
"She was pronounced deceased shorlty after noon yesterday," he whispered.
I couldn't believe my ears. "What? No!"
"That's right, your little girl is dead, Mister." He slammed his fists down on the table in front of me. "And so are you."
The winner has been announced and congratulations! https://steemit.com/story/@freedomexists/new-rain-steemit-story-chain-16-where-you-write-the-story-and-100-whaleshares-for-the-winner
#4
Nancy and i sat in awe as we let our minds wonder, we have made beverage to keep us warm but it went cold so lost were we in the wonder of our imagination, the mind ebbed from Happy Potter type thoughts, flowed into foreboding Game Of Throne thoughts ebbed back again and flowed everywhere.
What had we seen!?, the mind raced, was it Nirvana, was it a portal to another dimension, was there untold riches on the other side, hang on a minute, does that mean we are rich now!, do we tell anyone should we tell anyone who should we tell, hold on, did we just see god!?
A million and one thoughts are competing for the same space in our mind as we lent back in our seats our cheers creased in a half smile of wonder and bewilderment.
Suddenly we heard a knock on the door, still lost in our imagination, there must be a door somewhere in this magical place, Nancy quick, hold my hand!, let’s go find that door and see what is on the other side, we heard the knock again, this time a lot more rapidly and sharply, we jolt back to reality, there was actually somebody knocking on our door. I got up to have a look.
It was the police, Nancy and I were arrested for breaking and entry. The case is still pending.
I love this writing concept!! At one point I thought to myself that it would be awesome if somewhere on the internet people could write excepts and someone else continue the story with their own excerpt and creativity. You guys are doing just that!! I can’t wait to read more entries and start participating.
ok, let me be supportive
*see
Thank you so much for selecting me. I wrote and rewrote that piece again and again. I feel my writing has improved so much since I was invited onto Steemit. I'm so happy!
also my open ledger address is lucymoosey123
In the end, we decided that revisiting the hut was a bad idea. Although the captivating and mesmeric beauty of that herd of rutting unicorns provided no rational basis for fearing a further incursion might result in Bad Things, Nancy's Tourette's and my debilitating aversion to Dwarves might well have combined to devastating effect. That isn't to say any Dwarves in the vicinity wouldn't see the lighter side of a surprised stream of expletives related to their stature and (usually unkempt) beards. All I'm saying is, I wouldn't want to poke a bear in a cage if I didn't absolutely have to. Now I'm not saying Dwarves are like bears. They're not. Although they have similar amounts of body hair, bears have sharp claws that would probably prevent them from holding an axe. A bear is also less likely to drink all the beer in a pub and then puke under a table. The point is, you don't want to antagonize a Dwarf. They have a low center of gravity and they're strong for their size. I mean, before you know it, it's got it's axe out and it's swinging it around and screaming "Freeeeeedooooom", and then you're in real trouble. No thanks. In this case, at least at first, we agreed that discretion was very definitely the better part of valour. But then, as it is with all fun-loving naturalists who enjoy celebrating a beautiful day for its own sake, it was only a matter of time before we got stuck into the tequila. Suddenly brave, and grabbing my fly-fishing rod in case of emergency, we made for the hut.
#6
I knew I had to keep my cool. Losing your temper in a police station is a one way street to 'lock-up-town'. And it was Christmas. And, most importantly, I didn't believe them. I took a deep breath.
'I'd like my lawyer please,' I said calmly. The detective loomed over me. I could smell his sweat, rancid and sour.
'A lawyer won't help you now. This is open and shut'.
'And I think I'd like my phone call too.'
He stood up, slammed his fist down on the desk again and glared at me.
'Phones aren't working. The lines are down.'
'Oh, is it snowing? How lovely.'
'No damn snow. Now talk.'
'I can wait.'
'No, lets' talk now.' I knew is plan. he had limited time to try and get something out of me. If I reacted in any way I'd be at his mercy. I needed to buy time.
'Ok, we can talk. What would you like to talk about?'
'Why did you do it?'
'Let's talk about something else. Your tie is nice. Was it a present?'
Like a confused and angry animal he snorted, glared down at the offending tie, yanked it off, threw it across the room and kicked over a chair. I watched the tie land on the back of his chair and slowly slither down onto the floor.
'Quit with the smart answers, he roared 'or I'll crack your damn skull.'
'Who are you spending Christmas with this year?' I saw him take a step towards me. He wanted to hit me. This was good.
'Shut your mouth.'
'Do you live alone?'
He grabbed me by my shirt, his face close to mine. His teeth were gritted in rage. He looked lost for words.
'Maybe your wife has someone else now? And your kids? A proper daddy...' I felt the hot white flashing impact of someone hitting me hard across the head. It was shocking but not painful. I smiled and let myself slide slowly onto the floor.
'I'll need a doctor now. And a cup of coffee. And a compensation payment for police brutality. And a ride home in a taxi, paid for by the force. Thank you detective. And Merry Christmas. Hope it's not too lonely for you.'
so who won then