Words Left Unsaid Can Be Life's Greatest Regret
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” - Ian Maclaren
This often misattributed quote has been echoing through my head in pretty much an endless loop since I first read the news on social media Friday morning.
Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide at 61. I immediately checked Snopes, hoping it wasn't true. As the clock ticked and the story developed it grew ever more clear that it was.
There’s been far too many of these kinds of headlines recently but this one hit me especially hard. I first found his show, No Reservations, in 2005 and was instantly hooked. This was not only a man who clearly achieved his dreams through hard work, dedication, and pure talent but someone that you'd like to sit down and have a beer with.
His talent ran deep. He was one of the most gifted storytellers of our time. Through his work Mr. Bourdain inspired me to become a better writer, to travel more, take less shit from people, and to make (and eat) good food. When I watched an episode of No Reservations or Parts Unknown it was as though a creative switch was flipped in my brain, by time the credits rolled I was inspired to write.
In this particular phase of his life he appeared to have it all, to be at the very top of his career. This is a potent reminder that you can never judge anyone or anything by outward appearances. Life can often be a vomit-inducing roller coaster. Add money, a glamorous career, and fame into the mix and the drops get steeper and the twists and turns jab you with with an almost inconceivably destructive force.
Few in this world are untouched by depression. Even if you don’t personally suffer from it you suffer indirectly by those around you who are inflicted by the condition. I was hit with debilitating bouts of depression in my younger years and been surrounded by people whose lives have been completed stunted by it.
People can become very adept at hiding how they really feel, even from their most intimate of friends. I’m guilty of looking at the past through rose-colored glasses but the decade I was born into was just as messed up as society is today, the dysfunction just took on different forms.
During the era I was raised we were taught to suppress our emotions at a very young age. In the neighborhood I grew up in boys were taught to “be brave” and suppress our fears. It was commonplace to hear parents saying to their children, “Don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about!” Girls weren’t spared, I witnessed a lot of them being regularly conditioned to “be nice”, taught to suppress their anger.
Guess what? Emotions left unexpressed never get processed and released which means they eventually resurface as health conditions, personality disorders, depression, and a plethora of toxic states of being.
I’d venture a guess that a large swath of Generation X has spent most of their adult lives recovering from their childhoods. This is probably also true of every other generation. I’d like to be clear, I'm placing no blame. I’m a firm believer that, unless people are evil psychopaths, most of us do the best they can with the tools we have to work with.
Where am I headed with this? We must somehow learn to be more sympathetic to one another. If your intuition tells you someone in your life is struggling, trust your instinct and reach out to them. If you find yourself struggling in any way talk to someone about it, get help. If you admire or appreciate someone in your life tell them, it could make a real difference in their lives. Words left unsaid can be life’s greatest regret.
If something upsets you, express it in a constructive manner. Be the person you feel were born to be, not the person you think others want you to be. As humans we always tend to think that others have their shit more together than we do but I think the truth is no one has it all figured out, some are just way better actors.
I don’t know why we’re all here on this wounded planet circling the sun together. Maybe the whole purpose of our existence is to figure out exactly who we are, work towards being more balanced human beings, and support each other in the process? That seems like a good start to me.
Your unique presence and voice will be greatly missed, Mr. Bourdain.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, please know that you are not alone. If you are in danger of acting on suicidal thoughts, call 911. For support and resources, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text 741-741 for the Crisis Text Line.
Yours in the Chain,
Eric Vance Walton
Please follow our official Steemit account for the film series @hardfork-series. Did you miss our last post? If so CLICK HERE to read it!
*I am an American novelist, poet, traveler, and crypto-enthusiast. If you’ve enjoyed my work please sign up for my author newsletter at my website. Newsletter subscribers will receive exclusive updates and special offers and your information will never be sold or shared.
My book on meditation, The Perfect Pause, is priced at $12.99 (paperback) and $4.99 (eBook). Buy the paperback and receive the eBook for free!
Connect with Me
The truth really does set you free! Truth!
It does!
This is a really really tragic story, considering the fact that a man in his sixties and at the peak of his career will take his own life. What could be the possible reasons? Of course, we don't really know cause if we did, we could have reached out to him and convince him to live on.
The most important lesson in this story, for me, was captured when you wrote:
Yes. The monster of depression and the gunboat of life have no respect for status, age, gender, etc when they come knocking. This is why it is important, like you said, that we reach out and show love at every opportunity we've got to do so.
Thanks for the lesson, although I am touched by this tragic story.
Regards sir.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
Always my pleasure sir. I find your writings quite inspiring. I still remember your poem about living a life of good legacies.
Such a well written and thoughtful post. He inspired so many. Thank you for not only honoring him but also raising awareness of mental health and suicide. Something you said, "I think the truth is no one has it all figured out," reminded me of the Alanis Morissette song "Hand in my Pocket." That song always reminds me to be optimistic no matter what is going wrong.
Thank you @vwd! He was a special one, for sure. I love that song by Alanis Morissette and it always has that same effect on me when I hear it.
We can never ever imagine the darkness that someone must be experiencing to actually see suicide as the only way out of their agony, so so very sad!
Anthony Bourdain is yet another victim of depression, another wonderfully talented and special person gone!
You are so very right, suppressing our real feelings from a young age is extremely detrimental to our mental health.
When I was faced with my brother's suicide, it was a subject that got swept under the carpet, we all pretended we were ok but we certainly were not! Depression hit me a couple of years later and I still say, give me a physical illness any day but spare me the agony of that misunderstood mental illness that no one wants to talk about!
I totally agree with your statement
Be kind to one another while we can!
And if anyone is experiencing this illness, talk to someone, there is help even if it does not seem possible to feel normal again!
Beautifully written Eric!
Thank you, @lizelle! I'm so sorry about your brother. I'm glad you were able to break free from depression's grasp. The suicide rates here in this country are of epidemic proportions. I feel like we all, especially here in the U.S., need to start living a life of more meaning and substance. The forward-thinking of people in the cryptospace really help teach us to do this and to ultimately find our way to personal freedom. I hope you're having a great weekend!
That goes for everywhere else in the world I believe! Having a great weekend, gorgeous sunny days here, enjoy your Sunday☺
everyone is struggling in their own way
but what makes difference is some people share
and express their concerns which gives them slight relief as compared to those who keep burning their soul in solitude
you summed it up perfectly
Sorry I missed this before I had the opportunity to upvote. Been traveling. Kindness is such a simple concept. (One that Facebook users forgot long ago). It is free. It is contagious. And it makes us better people. The Golden Rule is golden for a reason. It is a lesson whose value elevates everyone.
Thanks for sharing. RIP AB.
No problem, @coldsteem. You're right about Facebook, it's such a toxic experience these days. I mainly just stay on that platform to keep connect to family and friends. I hope you're having some great adventures! Did you go overseas or did you stay on the continent?
Been traveling domestic the past couple of weeks. I was in Morocco last month. Awesome experience.
Awesome. I've never been to Morocco but it's on my list!
I've been slowly recounting my journey on my Steemit Blog. It was an exceptional experience. I would recommend it.
So much to learn from this post i must say. So much lessons we can all pick up here.
We should learn to be tender and be of help. We should learn to be sympathetic. The point is, some people will rather make things words by their words not minding what the person is going through. We might be seated to a completely broken person and still wouldn't know it, more reason we need to be tender, as we don't know what that person is going through or just went through.
We should always seek for help. Like you said sir, nobody has it all together. We grow in life as we go. No man is an island of knowledge. Nobody has the monopoly of knowledge either. We are to be kind and tender, and also seek for help. There is no shame in that.
Kind words do help. I learned of a man who dressed so well, and was heading to commit suicide. He met someone on the way who complimented how good he looked. This man turned back, and wrote in the diary: "Today is a good day. I met someone who gave me another reason to live".
Harsh words break no bones but it can break hearts. A thousand heart with no bone, is no life. So with our words, we should ask ourselves, how many people we have killed.
Thank you so much for your post sir. I always have things to learn from you. I am always excited to read your posts.
I am really sorry about the death of the man. It's always painful when men of real talent dies. The world needs them more than earth does. Sleep after toil, ease after war, port after stormy sea, life after death, does greatly please.
Thanks for reading and for your thoughtful comment!
Thank you sir. It is always an honour.
This is one of the hardest truth you can't easily come by.
We all want to be cared for, we all want to be remembered and our eyes are blocked from seeing others who desired the same things as us.
People are facing a lots of things but tried to where beautiful faces to cover their challenges.
I used to blame friend for not checking on me as much as I do on them, but over the time I've realised I have to play my role in solving the little I can in other to lighten people's problems.
Sorry about the man, but lots more would follow suit if we choose not to be bothered about those people around us. A little hi, a little compliment can do the magic of saving people, don't let's us neglect it.
Thank you for this insightful post mate.
This was a beautiful read. Definitely important things to consider. You can never know someone else's struggle
Those unexpressed emotions will remain in the subconscious mind and some way or the other it will try to express it self in a passive way and what we call is depression is the expression of supressive thought which was constantly rebounding within the second layer of the mind.
Excellent article. Thank you.