My final few weeks in the corporate world have been a reflective time. This is quite a profound pivot point to take at the age of forty-six.

I’m not only making peace with, and saying goodbye to, the job but to co-workers I’ve known for half of my life. Surprisingly, I’ve realized I’m also saying sayonara to the old me.

Going through file folders of over two decades of performance reviews, corporate personality assessment results, and other memorabilia show a steady progression.

I noticed an undeniable growth arc from a young go-getter to a middle aged man who realized long ago that he had hit the glass ceiling.

My perception of life changed drastically a couple weeks ago after I handed in my termination notice. The continuously oscillating feelings of elation and fear eventually subsided. I'm less stressed and am standing up a little straighter.

Yesterday, as I walked the last of my paperwork to Human Resources, I saw things for what they truly were. I didn't belong there and hadn't for a long time. Long ago, the safe route became an impediment to my personal and professional growth. I’m left with one prevailing thought...

Why did it take me twenty-three years to do this?

The full answer is buried underneath many layers. Not so surprisingly, part of it was handed to me by the Universe a few nights ago. While watching the season premiere of Finding Your Roots on PBS, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. revealed some shocking details to Bernie Sanders about his ancestors. Bernie learned for the first time of the unimaginable struggles his father had to overcome in Nazi occupied Europe.

Bernie’s immediate response upon learning of the suffering of his family was, “Now I understand why my father was conservative and risk-averse. Safety and stability were like Heaven for him.”

He then went on to acknowledge his father’s life experience indirectly shaped his own life as well. Then it dawned on me that Bernie and I had more in common just our Ashkenazi Jewish heritage.

My paternal grandfather passed away when my dad was three years old. His mother struggled to support him and his three other siblings on a waitress’ salary. As a result, my father and his older sister were raised in a succession of foster homes until they became adults.

From the stories my father has told me, most of his experiences with foster families weren't great ones. His childhood was filled constant volatility and strife. He never felt like he was wanted or fit in, and dealt with psychological and physical abuse. With this kind of foundation it's hard to build true confidence.

Although he never finished high school, my father is very intelligent and industrious. He always had a day job and one or two side-gigs, worked on his own cars, and fixed things instead of throwing them away. He taught me to keep a folded twenty dollar bill tucked away in the back of my wallet at all times for emergencies. He and my mom forged a childhood for me that was a cocoon of stability and regimented sameness. A routine you could synchronize your watch to. Dinner at 5:30pm. Car rides on the weekends. Summer vacation, the last two weeks of July.

My dad craved and gravitated towards stability, even if it was at the sacrifice of sizable potential gain. When an appliance broke or it came time for our family summer vacation he would pull out a bankroll that he managed to squirrel away. The prevailing attitude around our house as I was growing up was be thankful we have enough to pay the bills. Aspiring to realize dreams was a luxury.

Because of the amazing gift my parents gave us, the stability of a safe childhood, my brother and I had the confidence to live our lives a little more boldly.

Those, indeed, are a pack of Winston's in my bother's hands. Thankfully, he couldn't operate a lighter yet.

We had dreams and were encouraged to chase them. Although there was generational evolution, it was apparent that my father’s philosophy was deeply ingrained in me.

I'm a very firm believer that things in life usually happen for a reason and are understood in retrospect. This transition into writing full-time was just not going to happen for me until I developed the inner confidence to manifest the outward change in my own life.

I'll take this as a lesson for this next exciting phase of my journey and for the rest of my days. All of us are trying, the best we can, to figure things out as we go along.

If I were to share one bit of advice from my experience it would be this...if something in life scares you, run boldly towards it.

Deep down inside I think most of us know exactly what we need to do. It's only a matter of having the courage to listen to that inner voice and act on it, before it's too late.

Thank you all for supporting me this far on my incredible journey!

(Gif compliments of Giphy.com.)

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