Motivation Story : You chose to leave without giving me a chance to prove my love.

You chose to leave without giving me a chance to prove my love.

I'm waiting for you, still the same as the first you decide to stay away from me ..
Still as before, I love you, like before you wiggle my romance ..
Will this be the second time you leave me?

Must I be a drizzle waiting for the rainbow though not always come?
Or maybe I should wait for you in eternity.

Time grains keep going and continue to drip so fast, like drizzle that is falling and stagnant. The smell of the smell of the soil makes me always comfortable in this state. The fallen grains appear to flow straight over the leaves. The softer hummingbird I found every time the drizzle fell from the sky where I was sheltering.

While out there the drizzle was still dripping, I was still busy with every sheet of paper scattered around me, while occasionally my fingers seemed to dance on the keys of my laptop keyboard. My eyes felt very painful, I put my head on the clock in the corner of the room. God, it was exactly 2 o'clock. I should have been asleep for a few hours.
The eyes grew heavier, my head getting lowered until it finally grew heavier and darker I felt.

A few moments later…

"Van, Vanya .. Are you aware?" A gentle voice greeted me as I slowly opened this eye.
"Mmmm .. I why Re?" I asked.
"You passed out. That's why Van, rest. Do not be overworked. You have not eaten all day, right? Vanya, Vanya .. You are already mature but just keep yourself ", Reva looked so annoyed at my behavior, as she asked tiny question by painfully feeding the porridge to me.
"Sorry L", I set my face in regret at Reva.

Deadline forced me to continue to work my brain to continue my stories. As soon as possible I want to deposit my writing to the publisher. The profession as a writer is my dream, so I do not want to give up the opportunity that God has given me now.

The morning was approaching from the east of the horizon. The red sparks made this morning more fascinating. Greetings the bayu touch me softly, continue to accompany my step gontaiku.

Today I deliberately walked to campus, besides the distance between kostan and my campus not too far away. At least the morning air can refresh my tired mind with all my tasks.

Still at 7:00, I purposely sat down on the bench in the corner of the park. The first place where I step foot to wade through my romance that once bucked aground. Despite the fact that I had not had time to have the owner of that love, he had chosen to leave without giving me a chance to prove my love.

My longing is still there. A year has passed, I have chosen to move on. It's just not easy for me to get rid of this longing. The prayer .. still settles silent in conscience. Always I say 'God, if he is good for me, I beg him to return him anytime. But God, if he is not for me, please teach me what is sincere '.
Ahh .. Maybe it's not my time with him to be happy.

"Haii, Van", a gentle greeting interrupted my daydreaming.
I raised my head, looking for the source of the voice, "Well .." I said. Then I paused, not saying much. As if I could not believe what someone I saw in front of me.
"Vean ?? Bener are you ?? "the handsome figure was present again in front of me. Smile sweet to me. Wonder this? No, this is real. She is really in front of me.

He's my first love, a love that's only an instant I can have. Too many memories that happened between me and him. He will never be forgotten in my life.
And from this meeting I went back to live the story of togetherness with him. We're getting closer. Knitted back happy threads that had been interrupted since his departure.

Tonight...
I deliberately went to see Vean at the edge of the lake where the last time I looked at her body away and disappear from my sight. The sleeveless black dress I wore was wiping the wind. Tonight the sky looked starry, the moon arched his smile. A perfect evening.

My heart trembled when Vean suddenly emerged from behind me with a rosetta hand in his hand. I have never thought…
"Vanya, will you be mine again?" Vean crouched before me. His eyeballs looked at me expectantly, my heart throb.
"Do not be joking, please .." I replied with a look in his eyes.
"I am not kidding, I do not laugh, I do not smile, I am serious Vanya", the sound shakes make me blush.

But there was a feeling in the chest that suddenly hesitated and hesitated. I do not know what .. Could my heart still ...
"Give me time", I replied softly.

For a moment we were silent. Into each other's heart. Then Vean opened the conversation, breaking the ice that had been like making our tongue tongue. "Van, still writing?"
"Ohh ehh yeah .. Sure .." I replied. "There is already cooperation with the publisher as well", I continued again.
"This is your writing? I read yaa ", Vean pulled out the pieces of paper that I was carrying.
"Yaaaaa .. okay", I smiled.

For a moment he was silent and read my writings. He just smiled and smiled. Then he commented, "Baguss .. You're talented, Van. The story feels so real if this is a true story. I'm sure this pantes make diterbitin kok ".
I blushed. "It's a true story," I whispered to myself. "Is this why my heart hesitates?"

God's secret is sometimes beyond what humans think. The meeting happened again. Waiting for me, my prayer seemed real touch.

That night, the chant of the tones created from the tips of his fingers that played the piano made me, again. Shakes of romance broke too. Good God, would I expect him again?
Genta gave a soft pat on my shoulder, smiled, greeted me. The radiance of his eyes from behind his minus glasses made me poked. "Vanya, how are you?"
The first sentence I heard again after so long did not hear the voice. Our conversation continued, and my heartbeat raced on the rhythm that was supposed to be when he suddenly said, "I miss you Van. It's really hard to do you ". Is it serious? I do not know, I'm obviously happy.
"Ohh time, let's just stop if this happiness continues to be created for me, from him ..."

I'm hoping again. I'm waiting again. For Genta I pray again that he will be mine. But when I think of the Vean, there is a dilemma that is secretly daring to sneak on the edge of my soul. The meeting happened in too close a time.

"Still likes to see drizzle?" Genta asked when visited my house which was when it was drizzle was darkening the natural tones.
"Still .. you still like to see the rainbow too?" I asked again. Genta just smiled, nodded, then returned to the sky as if hoping the rainbow would come that evening.
Even if I drizzle, I will still wait for the presence of the rainbow at the end of this sky.

"Genta, are you going to go again?" Suddenly my mouth uttered the sentence without ever planning it before.
Again Genta just smiled, "Rainbow will never be far from drizzle, Van".

Dusk faded, the sky was gloomy with a gray cloud. The red umbrella looked faithfully shielding me from the drops of water that began to fall down my body. My hair was getting wet, but the rain had no right to stop my legs from stepping on. I look for it, even I'm happy if only able to breathe air wherever he is. He leaves, the second time he leaves. I do not want to stop, I can not let my blossom wilt again.

Tired .. I'm getting tired of God. The rotation period is so fast, 150 days have paced relaxed on the calendar in the corner of the room. . He seems to laugh at me who has not been able to find you, or even have not been able to rise to forget you.

Longing to infiltrate every bleeding of my unexpected blood continues to gnaw my energy, my body, or even my soul. I stood staring at my body that looked more like a living corpse from the mirror reflection in front of me. That smile, that laugh, the happiness is gone with the loss of the rainbow in my life.

"You stupid .. Clearly he does not care about your love, still you hope. If he loves he will not leave you let alone a second time. What makes you look more stupid is when you ignore my love. You will regret later! Open your eyes, this is real life, not a fictional story like your foolish writings. He will not come back. Never going back for you !!! "
Vean's speech was still in my ears yesterday he came to see me just to scold me. I did not expect him to be, his words too painful to reach my ears. Lucky I did not choose it. My love will never go wrong. And he will come back.

I am only able to lie down. Even I can not open my eyes. I can only taste the droplets of water flowing straight through the infusion tube, falling and getting inside my body. I can also feel them beside me. Father, mother, Reva, Vean, they exist. Where is Genta? When brain inflammation has seized all my efforts, my dreams, my future, and my life he has never returned.

Time is rolling, I'm getting lost power. My soul is giddy in waiting for God's power. Amid the air I felt the more difficult for me to breathe, I was able to feel the touch, the tears, the voice, and the warmth of that love. I'm still closed and I can not open it anymore, the sound shakes it ...

"Forgive me Vanya, forgive me who can never understand your wishes. Forgive me that too stupid to respond to this love grace. I know you heard me, I'm sure of that .. Look Vanya, I love you. Yes i love you too. It's just that I'm afraid of losing you if you have me. I will be destroyed when we are together and when it is time we should split up. I can not live that fact. So I chose not to have you, I hope so I will not feel your loss. Turns out I was Van's fault, it just tortured me. Love is deepening. "

I still hear it, interrupted by a drizzling drizzle that hugs the world out there ..
"Vanya, please open your eyes. You have to get better. You should be able to see me here, waiting for you, and there will be no third time I leave you. Wake up the Vanya, will not the drizzle come with the rainbow? "

I felt my lips warm, a touch gently touching my lips. Followed by a warm drip from his eyes, fell to my cheek. At the same time I felt my soul increasingly away from my body that would soon be frozen. I'm floating, I can not feel the kiss again. I can only see them breaking down tears, shaking my body, lamenting me who will never again open my eyes.

You have to believe, whether in what seconds and in what time space, we will surely meet again. And calm dear, drizzle will still wait for the pelangs there, behind the clouds, in eternity ...

THANKS FOR VISIT MY BLOG @DOLENO