‘Clutch Pay’

So my plans yesterday were a scattershot.... (Per my last post, I’m stressing about the tax reporting for last year’s crypto activity. I watched an interview with a fellow talking about his problems with the government... Thankfully, I have three plus months to get my ducks in a row... )

So, the immediate challenge in the morning was this large, unwieldy, and heavy, top loaded washing machine in my basement, which was left there by the poor lady who lost the home to foreclosure... It’s in good shape but I don’t need it because I already have an all in one washer-dryer.

So I called a well known (not gonna name it) charity to see if they’d be interested and the lady on the phone said yes but then added, “just make sure it is near the door, in an accessible garage or outside on the driveway for pickup...”

“Well, it’s down in the basement and pretty heavy.”

“Well, we won’t take it if we have to bring it up from a basement level, sir...”

“I see. Well, I’ll get it up to the ground level for you. When can you come by?”

And so, we scheduled a pick up. (Personally, I felt like being a bit sarcastic and saying something like, “Is there anything else I can do for you? Perhaps a year’s supply of detergent to go with it? A bottle of peach schnapps?” Whatever happened to the expression ‘beggars can’t be choosers’? Your guess is as good as mine...)

So, I went down into the basement, grabbed my dolly and started scooting the washer over to the base of the steps. It was a tight fit. There’s a wall at the bottom and walls on each side as you go up. I tried to ‘walk’ it up one step but it was very awkward and like I said - heavy.

So, I put my thinking cap on. There was a durable, rectangular shaped table about three meters long that I
grabbed, folded the legs and laid on the stairs to use like a ramp to push the washer up. Again though, it was an awkward angle. I thought the idea was sound but I needed better leverage. So another idea came to me - “ I’ll pull it up from the top of the stairs! “

But I didn’t have any rope. I did have a long hose and some durable electric extension cords. So, I took the hose and cords and devised an elaborate pully system, wrapping them around the washer, tying off one end using the door knob of the inside kitchen door while holding the other end and pulling on it. Slowly, little by little, I started making progress. Sweat was dripping off my forehead... I realized I’m not as young as I used to be, but I had the bit between my teeth! I was gonna get that motherfucker up the stairs, if it was the last thing I ever do...

Now there was a problem with table however. The washer didn’t want to slide over it too easily ... So, I had an old wood table sitting in my garage that I was planning to give away also, - the kind with removable legs. I took the legs because they were rounded, and put them under the washer on the table, which allowed me to move it more easily. They acted like ‘rolling logs’.

Of course the table wasn’t long enough to reach the top of the stairs. So the last couple of steps were going to involve pulling the washer to a stand up position and then pulling it over gently to a fall out the side door...

Well, I got it to that crucial moment where I just needed to make one more tug on the cords and hose. I reached back for ‘something special’ and in doing so produced a bit of slack - the cords and hose fell below the mid-point of the tank. When I gave it that last gigantic pull, the washer tumbled down the stairs end over end, seemingly in slow motion. I let out a yell - “FUUUCK!”

While the washer traveled to the base of the stairs, the lid opened. When it hit the wall, it went into it like a hatchet! Then, there was silence for a few moments, followed by a trickle of some rusty water coming out, which sounded like an old man trying to take a leak at 3am... A very pathetic scene...

“Now what do I do?”, I thought... After sitting there for a few moments, realizing that I’m pretty much a dumbass, I decided to call the son of a friend of mine.

“Austin, hey how’re you doing? “

“Great! “

“Hey, I’ve gotten myself in a situation. Would you and a couple of friends like to earn $20 for pulling a washer out of my basement?”

“Yeah. We’ll be right over.”

“Great! Bring at least three guys. That thing is heavy.”

“Sure. Be right over.”

Austin is around 19 years old . When he showed up, he brought one guy, named Brett I believe. They were teammates on a baseball team. A couple of slim Jim’s, maybe 160-170lbs...

When they saw the deal, they looked at me as if to say, “Watch yourself old man, we’ll take care of this” as they immediately went down to the bottom of the stairs, unwrapped my hose and cord configuration, pulled the washer out of the wall, picked it up and pulled it up the stairs. Took them around 120 seconds, if that...

“Wow! Thanks fellas!” I said meekly, as I handed them $40 each.

“But Mr Mullins, you said $20..”

“I know but you guys came through in a timely manner... let’s call it a ‘clutch pay’ bonus... Really appreciate it fellas...”

“No problem! Thanks Mr Mullins!”

Man, do I feel old!

https://steemit.com/story/@crypto-old-guy38/god-grant-me-the-serenity-to-accept