Too Much Batman (Absurd short story - Steemit exclusive)

Sound of steps echoed trough the dark halls of the batcave as Alfred Pennyworth, Batman's loyal butler, was on his way to the main chamber. In one hand he carried a sandwich and with the other hand he opened the door.
"Master Bruce, your sandwich, sir". He walked to the barely visible corner where the desk was.
"Just leave it here." A growling voice answered from the shadows.
"Master Bruce..." he put the sandwich on the desk. "I know that today is the anniversary of the day, when your parents died, but this... this has to stop, sir". He wasn't feeling comfortable confronting Batman. - You haven't left the batcave for weeks, you've been wearing batcostiume all the time and you eat only sandwiches with sand and pepper to... I quote "Suffer as my parents did, while dying in the gutter, sir."
The dark figure emerged from behind the desk, walking slowly to the old butler. He had a long, scruffy beard, tired eyes and smelled like used socks.
"And what is your point?" Batman growled as he look Alfred in the eye.
"Well... At first, when you told me that you want to fight crime as a giant manbat, I thought that this was a way to go through your loss. A way to get over it, by finding your parents killer. I thought that this will help you process bad feelings, but you caught the man who killed your parents and you seem to be feeling worse and worse every day, sir."
Bruce turned around, making sure that his cape will swoosh through the air to add a dramatic effect.
"How can I not be sad, Alfred?" he screamed in a breaking voice like he was about to cry. "My parents are dead! I've never had anyone to hug me when I was scared or when I just needed human contact." He felt down on his knees with his head bowed. "I promised myself that I will protect everyone in the city so that they can have normal lives."
"I understand that, Master Bruce. I really do, but... Maybe there is a better way." Batman laid down on the floor with his eyes covered by his hands.
"There is no other way. I must suffer for the sins of this city, so that others could benefit." He turned to the side and assumed an embryonic position. "I'm like Jesus, Alfred. You wouldn't understand. No one understands me."
Alfred rolled his eyes. He promised Bruce's parents that he will take care of him if anything happens to them and he will raise him to be a good man. Alfred was affraid to speak to Batman, but this morning he found out that lately he has been cutting himself, so he knew he had to intervene.
"Bruce. I want you to be happy. I want you to smile and to be a valuable member of the society. " At that moment, Alfred knew he had crossed a line. He just called him "Bruce", but he couldn't stop now." You want to save the city? Ok, let's save the city, but not this way." he continued, despite the fear growing in his mind. "In the costiume you can save two, maybe three people a day. But a better solution than breaking bones of criminals is to make people stop needing to earn a living by robbing other people. You are an owner of a billion dollar company. You can give people jobs. Well paid jobs. They wouldn't have to steal. You have amazing technology here in the batcave. You could share it with the Gotham police. Your criminal database alone could help the police put many dangerous criminals in jail. Be the hero, Bruce, but do it in the daylight, not in the shadows like a gangster."
Alfred was satisfied with his speach. He thought that it can really make a difference.
"You know what?" Bruce got up. "I just realised that YOU'RE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME! NOBODY DOES!" Bruce rushed to the doors as tears where pouring from his eyes. "AND I DON'T LIKE YOU! YOU SUCK!"
Alfred stood in shock after Bruce left so quickly. He didn't knew how to talk to him. All his offerings of help where unsuccessful.

Alfred was sitting at the batdesk, drinking Whiskey. He has already drunk few glasses of the relaxing elixir.
"Why isn't he listening to me?" he thought. "Joker kills people. He catches the Joker. He puts him in Arkham Asylum. Joker breaks out and the whole things starts over. At least he could put him in jail, not in the institute for the criminally insane." He took another sip of the liqueur. "It's like he wants Joker to escape... No, what are thinking, you old fool?" He smirked, this thought was so ridiculous. "He's a good boy. He's a little unhinged, but he's a good boy."
Alfred turned on the batcomputer to see if there are some cases that he could help Bruce with. One file was a bit strange. Batman and Alfred always put the files of criminals that they already caught in the "Caught" folder, but the Joe Chill's file, the man that killed Bruce's parents, was still in the the "Working on it" folder. Out of curiosity he tried to opened it, but the file was protected by a password. That was odd, because until now Alfred thought that they had unlimited trust, so there wouldn't be a separate password for a file on computer. He tried to enter the standard password that they use. He typed "BatmanIsCool", but it didn't work, so he tried "BatmanIsCool2" and this one worked.
It this file there were standard informations that Alfred had on his computer: Chill's biography, investigation process and evidence. Alfred took a quick look at it and everything seemed fine, but as he started reading it, he saw that the contents of a file were totally different. In his version there was a sentance "On june 26th my parent's were killed by Joe Chill", but in this one it said "Although, Joe Chill went a little bit of the script, my parents were successfully murdered."
"Script? What script?" Alfred's head was full of question. "Why are those files different?" He knew that he can get in trouble, but he had to read the rest. The file contained the information that Joe was paid by someone to kill Martha and Thomas Waynes. And that he had to do this according to the script to make this whole thing more "poetic". Later, Joe wanted to tell the police who paid him, after Batman caught him, so Bruce paid someone inside the jail to kill him.
Alfred was shocked. His Master paid someone to kill Chill? It doesn't make any sense, unless...
"Oh my god!" Alfred screamed. "No. How could he have done this? This is madness." Alfred's old, weary heart was beating like a drunk boxer. He got dizzy and felt weak. He looked down and saw that he has been hit with a poisoned dart. With the corner of his eye, he saw a dark figure in the shadows and then, he passed out.

"Wake up." Alfred heard a familiar voice. He couldn't see, because he had some kind of a hood wrapped up around his head, his arms and legs were tied firmly to a chair.
"Master Bruce? Is that you?" he asked. A hood was removed from his head and a bright light blinded him. It took a while for his eyes to adjust. He saw Bruce standing in front of him with a crossbow in his hand.
"Why did you do this, Alfred? Why?" Bruce started walking around nervously. "I came to get my sandwich and then you were in front of my computer with Joe Chill's file opened. And how the hell did you managed to hack it?"
"Well, Master Bruce... I think that we should talk about the more important matter."
"About what?" Bruce rudely interupted. "I did not pay Chill to kill my parents. That's it." Batman was clearly angry and frustrated.
"I've read the file. I know everything, except one. Why did you do this?"
Bruce pointed the crossbow at Alfred.
"I didn't want it. It just had to be done" he spoke through tears. "For the greater good, Alfred. I had to sacrifice them."
"For what greater good? What good? Damn it, Bruce! Stop pointing this thing at me." Alfred shouted desperately.
"They had to die to give birth to the Batman." Bruce suddenly changed voice. It was much deeper now. "Since I was a child, I had a bat living in my head. He was often talking to me, but nobody could hear it. He saw the world through my eyes. He saw that people in this city are wicked and they need to be cleansed. He could do it, but he needed to break free.
Alfred couldn't believe this. He thought he knew Bruce well."
"I broke my piggy bank and paid Joe Chill, a local hobo, to kill them. I gave him a script so that my metamorphosis could be more poetic. But the drunk bastard ruined it, so I put him in jail." Bruce approached Alfred and sat down before him. "Bat broke free. He and I became one. The Bat and the man merged to create Batman."
"Bruce..." Alfred tried to speak, but he didn't know what to say. There were so many questions he wanted to ask. He had so many thoughts. It was to much for him. "Bruce... You... You're delusional. You need help."
"Help?!" he screamed. "I am help! I save lives! I punish criminals! I am the symbol of justice! I suffer for the sins of others! I am like Jesus! I am god!"
His last words terrified Alfred. It became obvious to him that Bruce is even more crazy than the Joker. He should have figured out that something was wrong with this boy, when he said that he wants to dress up in a batcostiume and beat up criminals. He should have watched him more closely.
"Bruce. Please, just put down the crossbow. We can talk about this with a psyhiatrist." Bruce's face became red as he screamed in anger. He kicked the trashcan and then took out a razor and cut his wrist a bit. A small stream of blood came out of his hand and he calmed down a bit.
"You don't believe me, do you? You think I'm joking? I am an immortal being born of vengence." Bruce looked around the room. "Watch this." He picked up a crossbow and put it against his head.
"No! You'll die!" Alfred screamed.
"No, I won't." Batman replied and pulled the trigger.
Pieces of his brain scattered behind him and he fell down on the floor with a bolt sticking out of his forehead. Convulsions thrown his body for a moment and then he died.

After an hour of weeping, Alfred gather his thought and processed this whole insane thing. He realised that he's tied down to a chair in a secret facility, so he'll probably die out of hunger. He panicked as he didn't knew what to do, so he screamed.
"Hello! Is anybody out there?! I need help! Please! Someone!" He screamed and screamed, but nobody was answering. He just remembered that all walls here are soundproof since the upgrade.
Then one of the walls blew up. Cloud of dust obscured Alfred's vision. The old man coughed.
"Don't worry, friend. I'm here." The manliest voice on the planet echoed trough the room. It was so charming that it could turn even the straightest man gay. The dust settled and revealed the perfectest man on Earth. Before Alfred's eyes a muscular man was floating with an "S" on his chest.
"Superman! It is you!" Alfred screamed in joy. "But, how were you able to hear me?"
"Well, you know. My powers are inconsistent. The usual stuff." He explained, while untying an old man. "Sometimes I'm so fast, I travel backwards in time, sometimes I can punch a hole in the fabric of reality. And sometimes I can hear through soundproof walls. It's seems that my writers are lazy or they just don't care."
Alfred looked at his savior with gratitude.
"Thank you. Thank you so much." He took few deep breaths to calm down. "Bruce got absolutely mental. He shot himself, because he thought that he's immortal. It turns out that he killed his own parents."
Superman wasn't suprised. He just listened without any sign of interest.
"Well, we knew about this. The whole Justice League knew that he killed his parents and that sooner or later he'll end up harming himself."
Alfred was getting tired of that many shocking revelations in one day. This time he wasn't even amazed. At this point he was expecting something unexpected.
"So... Why didn't you put him in psychiatric hospital?" Alfred asked.
"Justice League is made of superheroes. It's hard to keep a job, when you have to save a drowning kitty every five minutes and someone has to pay the bills."
"So you did it just for the money? You let an unstable man with military equipment run around for a pocket change?"
"It's always about the money." Superman laught. "Besides, it wasn't pocket change. Thanks to Bruce, I drive Porsche and Wonder Woman has a Lamborghini."
"I guess that makes sense." Alfred smiled. "Okay, Superman. I can clean this up, you can get back to your duties. I've got enough of this shit for today."
"Okie-Dokie. I'm going to cure cancer, so goodbye." He flew outside in the blink of an eye.
Alfred walked over to the Bruce's corpse. He kneel down and looked at his old friend's face.
"Oh, Bruce... I always thought that you'll outlive me." He grabbed the Batman's mask and put it on.
"I guess than I'm the GOD NOW!"

THE END?

Please, inform me if I had made any mistakes. I'm just learning how to write and if you liked it, then please follow me @acidpanda