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RE: The Shadows of Stars (Short Story)
These are great points! Thanks for your constructive criticism @ebitularmbert!
I think I misunderstood the point of the challenge when I wrote it! I looked through some of the other posts and it's supposed to be more of a children's tale kind of thing. Something easy to explain and teach to a kid. I'll try again next time :)
Yeah, I noticed the explanation was long. The thing is, there's a lot of different ways you can look at things, and I wanted to make sure everyone who read might be able to pick out meaning anywhere in he story. I'm also pretty verbose lol--I really explain too much.
Thanks for reading!
I don't think you misunderstood the point of the challenge, @titus-andronicus. But you observe well. I have followed the challenge from start, and agree that most stories seem to involve an element of a child, both directly and indirectly.
I am inclined to opine, that is only because Children are an integral part of everyday life, making them 'a frequent cast' in most stories.
But that is just about that. The challenge is diverse, and is premised, in my understanding, to enlist various forms and styles. The only limitation, being that the submission is <300words.
I have read, if i have my estimates right, over 75% of the stories until now. They are diverse...romance, family, irony, community, politics, sports, religious, mystic, nature....
Yours falls right into the right place! It is near mystic. Which is in part why i credit it, besides, your skilled use of words and logical flow. I am only, especially concerned that its deep mystery is too much for the convenience of most readers.
@swissclive will actually read, and make credit of it, but you see, and this is likely where you misunderstood, she is just one really very interested person! But there is the real audience i am sure @swissclive, in putting up the challenge, is trying to expose you to, and that you have to aim to interest, and keep. This might not have the patience/effort required such as @swissclive manages.
You have to consider them.
But trust me, its literary quality is top notch, hardly error ridden, good logical flow...if only, like i have already said, its mystery wasn't that deep!
A quick way, i can think of, for improvement could be to try re-writing it in the second person rather than first person narrative. You know, see what you see from another person's eyes!
Glad to share your thoughts. Thanks
Thank you for your insightful commentary and honesty! I will be sure to take these things into consideration when writing. I agree with what you said about @swissclive.
This is the kind of community interaction I was hoping for when I joined Steemit--thanks for taking the time to make thoughtful posts!
The pleasure is mine. Glad to share your work.
Just as a tip of how to hide and later reveal mystery in the same piece, i recommend you read the story by @doodlebear:
https://steemit.com/story-300words/@doodlebear/a-short-short-story-in-300-3-words
That story manages to hide mystery, but give clues enough for one to finally discern on his/her own upon story end.
Cool! Will do :)