How To remove a 300 lb Crackhead From Your Doorstep

Late early 2000s, Kansas City, 9am. Nice sunny Sunday! I got dressed, grabbed my keys and got ready to head out of my apartment. While opening the front door, I could feel something heavy was pressing against it from the other side, in the stairwell. Before I had time to even think about it, a massive head fell over my threshold and looked angrily, & upside-down into my eyes. His head had been comfortably propped against my door till I opened it. This is what happens when I leave my downstairs door unlocked. A very large (we're talking over 6'4", 300lbs), muscular, and kind of mean looking man lay there in my stairwell, his arms folded and tucked in his armpits, legs nearly reaching my neighbor's door. . . laying there like a GIANT 300 lb baby. I knew who he was. I never knew his name but he was a local crackhead and thief who used to buy crack from a former downstairs neighbor of mine, until he broke into his apartment & stole his refrigerator, probably carrying it away over his shoulder. He looked up at me and said in a thunderous voice, "I'll leave when I'm LEAVING!", rolled over, and went back to sleep. I shut my door. Now my door felt quite paper thin and insubstantial as a barrier. He could shatter it into toothpicks just by leaning against it. I had a back door but it opened to a 12-15 foot drop. There were no stairs. I thought about hanging & dropping but what if I wanted to come back home & he was still there? How was I going to get out of there? Sure, he's a trespassing crackhead AND burglar and PROBABLY a really dangerous person but I don't want to involve the police because he's like a neighbor. Everyone seems to know him . . . that and he could come back and kill me at any time. I go to my CDs and look for something abrasive & annoying. Not difficult considering almost all of my music is abrasive & annoying. TAGC's Meontological Research Recordings? No, possibly interesting. Maybe something Germanic. Einsturzende Neubauten? No, possibly dance-able. Thomas Koner? Lustmord? No, too gentle. Maybe even soothing when muffled through a door & wall. Coil? SPK? Throbbing Gristle? Laibach? Something with lots of treble and no beat. Hmmmm. . . . Diamanda Galas! I put on Diamanda Galas's Wild Women With Steak Knives from her Litanies Of Satan, pump up the volume and looky looky who is getting up on his big boy feet and leaving my building! He didn't even stay for the good part. Sir! Come back! It takes a while to build up! Wait for it. . . . wait for it. . . .