3 Aussie Heroes Win Key Water Battles  

86-year old ex-prime minister Bob Hawke, previous world record holder for faster scull of a yard glass of beer, won a major victory for the cause. Although in retirement, Bob successfully executed a covert mission to drink the enemy under the table. As a result several battalions were left absolutely maggot and vulnerable to attack. 

See here the world class execution of a difficult maneuver. 

The vulnerable battalions were then destroyed by the very personification of the Aussie motto “she’ll be right, mate”, Steve Bradbury. In the frozen tundra of the Western Front, Steve’s refusal to fall over when everyone around him was emulating Charlie Chaplin led to a decisive victory.  

This led to him being awarded the gold medal of honour and the coining of the phrase “doing a Bradbury” that boosted the morale of Aussie troops worldwide. 

The final water-based attack was mounted by none other than the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin (RIP). Enemy combatants dressed in crocodile suits put up a fierce fight but were eventually subdued by Steve’s Herculean strength. 

Source

What a day from the Aussie Naval forces. In celebration of these victories all Aussies are required to sink a few cold ones. Over and out.