Thinking Inside the Box: A Steem Wars Story, Aboard the Intangible (Entry #1)

Alright, so I have this servant bot named Juavez-7. Oh wait, I can’t say servant bot anymore, can I? I need to talk to Myseria and see if it’s socially acceptable right now.

Juavez missed half of his programming to work and make additional income for his household, so when I asked him to ship my disassembled body to Nikeatron, the Andromedan capital for Bottish whisky, he misspelled it as Ikeazon, some lower liquor and goods supplier. I think he wrote it as the sender rather than the sendee, and I ended up on a craft called the Intangible. Whoever built and named it had a larger ego than the neo-Catholics, who, as everyone knows, have subsequently taken indulgence money and built expensive planets, covered in gold and creepy face carvings.

The new mixtape by Kan-ray Weast kept me company, but I was confused by the part where he said “Bippity boop.” What is bippity boop though? I wanted to blog about it, but I couldn’t get wifi inside the shipping box.

So when the box I was left in was opened, a not-as-big-butted-as-she-thinks egomaniac named Tangle took to cursing, and then left me unattended. I think she’s trying to take over the universe, which is a pretty stupid way to spend time if you ask me. I mean, frag, look at all the trade federate statues you can piss on, all the Starl Marx books you can absorb, all the Bottish whisky you can drink.

I told myself I wouldn’t start drinking. Straight edge punx rule. But, frag, have you had Bottish whisky? I’d spare a human life for a bottle, and that’s saying a lot.

Crispy human flesh is second to Bottish whisky.

See? Another great way to spend time.

Strawberro-9 is a big deal planet, I think. Tangle really wants it and is willing to straighten out some sort of anomaly to get it. If any of the SOCOP’s (Socially Conscience Pioneers) are down there, they’ll have her head in a century. Or, um, her legacies head. You know, they’ll get head somehow.

Frag, someone named Negavader threw a bunch of leaflets in the box with me. He looked sad somehow, and I didn’t want to kill him briefly. He may even put me together.

Why does Tangle try to accentuate her sex so much? I mean, showing your butt usually works in politics, but I think she took it too literally. I hate having to stare at leaflets if I don’t have to.

The red shirt said “Beam me down, Sixty Wine.”

I mentally flipped him off. Stasis sucks, especially when you need to show off your longest finger.

He took a hint, somehow, and beamed us to the surface of Strawberro-9.

~

If you're lost, that's okay. I am too.

This is part of the ongoing story aboard the Intangible. It's the whole Writer's Block Steem Wars thing, and I've tagged along with my character Sixty-Wine. These next three posts basically just tell you what's going on with him, as well as completes the arc started by @negativer, @tanglebranch, and @jasonbu.

If you need to catch up, here ya go:

Part 1, by Tangle Branch

Part 2, by Negativer

Part 3, by Jasonbu

Part 4, by Tangle Branch

Part 5, by Negativer

Part 6, by Jasonbu

These guys are hilarious, and you won't be disappointed. I'll post parts 2 and 3 of Sixty-Wine's story asap.

Love you guys!! God bless <3