People, mostly women, often come to me for relationship advice. A big part of me finds it funny, a part of me finds it natural (I used to work for a Psychic Advice Hotline).
When it comes to marriage, women often tell me that they want a divorce, that they have fallen out of love. My go-to advice (for "normal" non-abusive relationships, in which a person can still thrive) is: "It is a bad idea to get married just because you love someone. It is a worse idea to get divorced just because you fall out of love."
Men lose interest because people lose interest. It is up to each relationship to figure out if they are "in it" together enough to work through it, or if they are simply ok with living life with different (or no) mates.
Usually, shared goals, and similar backgrounds help. Of course, relationships can survive without that, but... well, our divorce rates tell otherwise.
That's really good advice actually!
I'm into my tenth year of marriage and I'm still very happy and content. I think she is too.
I think Hollywood, Social Media and our culture of wanting things in an instant plays into this horrid spate of divorces we have right now.
When going into the relationship I have now, we nearly ended it early on because I was going through a hard time coming to terms with the idea that it shouldn't be lovey dovey all the time. I'm one of these men that loves a good chick flick and Hollywood has told me that being in love should be the good feels constantly, when it's not. Realistically it's a wonky uphill journey of co-existing.
I got there in the end though, and luckily enough I've been able to pass on that same advice to many of my friends that have struggled -- it definitely seems I'm not the only one.
Social media is another one. "Tell us what you're thinking?" - the entire premise of social media is to centre the attention around the individual. People never message me anymore and ask how I am. People don't listen either; they are far too busy trying to tell others what they have to say and missing the underlying message completely. So what we're left with is an entire populous that don't know the world doesn't revolve around them, with the inability to sit and listen, and slowly losing any sort of communication skills we once had.
No-one has the ability to compromise anymore. In the first few years of our marriage one of my biggest struggles was letting go of my wants to make room for some of hers. The feeling of just wanting what I wanted was strong because for most of my life I had been single, was raised as an only (golden) child, and used social media heavily -- the sheer fact that I managed to get out of that cycle I'm proud of haha.
Relationships take years to build -- and that's only the friendships we have. Co-existing can be so much harder at times. When you're raised in a culture that has anything to your door in thirty minutes, or at least under a day it can be super frustrating when there's some things in this world that you can't game, or have instantaneously -- those being relationships and friendships.
There's a lot of great good in this world, but there's a lot of loneliness and despair. I feel that.
Well, I did give great advice when I was working the hotline. I had 5 star reviews all over the place.
Social Media has a lot to do with it, I agree, but I also think it has a lot to do with us not understanding that you can be in a relationship and still be an individual. People lose their sense of selves and it makes things so much harder.
I am happy for you and your wife to be able to work things out, and I hope that in the future you can continue doing so.
You know, I've never came across that problem, ever. When I found my wife I began becoming an individual -- perhaps I'm lucky :) Beforehand my individuality was lost in the ether. I was essentially a social chameleon. Everyone's friend but my own. Hah!
I'll take you at your word for that -- I've never done any anonymous advice over the phone. I bet it's so much easier to divulge your secrets to someone that you don't know!
Thanks :)
You too -- I remember our last conversation was about your kids. Here's hoping your family (in the words of Ambassador Spock), live long and prosper :)