A Trip Down Memory Lane: The Unfinished Garden of Pain

1. A Trip Down Memory Lane
2. How he Met Her
3. How He Fell In Love With Her
4. How She Fell in Love with Him
5. The Drift

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He stood there admiring the flowers in the garden Their garden. He smiled bitterly. At long last it has been completed. All the crawling leaves are cljnging to the posts creating a floral make shift roof for students wanting to rest or study under the shade of the leafy plants. Even so, the memories it bore has left a great hole in his life that has kept him incomplete after all these years. Moving on was one thing. Feeling complete was a whole different category altogether.

Though he worked in the university, he never really lingered this long at the place where his heart was forced open from his chest and crushed right in front of him. He has prided himself to always see things before it happens but Sam not only took him out if his comfort zones, he also have put him off guard.

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"There's something I need to tell you Vince." Her apologetic and suspense invoking intro was enough to make his heart thump faster than it normally should.

"I like Eric. More than I should actually." Sam's confession made her break eye contact and it crushed him from within.
He tried to open his mouth trying to mount a response but nothing.

"But I never cheated on you! Not the way you or anyone else thinks! I never did anything funny that crossed the lines." Sam blurted the words wide eyed. She placed a hand over her chest and had her upper body leaned closer.

Though he didn't have any proof, his heart says he should believe her.
"I believe you."

Sam's expression shifted to a slightly calm. However, it wasn't enough to decrease the tension between the revelations that were soon to follow.

"You said you like him... how much?" It took so much bravery for him to ask. He was scared of what he might hear. He just needed to ask.

"It's enough to make me consider breaking up with you." Sam dropped the answer and he felt a nuke hit him from within. Silently cursing himself, he couldn’t believe it was this worse.

"Did he seduce you or anything along those lines?" *Curiosity killed the cat, they say. But to him, he felt like he needed to hear what she has to say. He was ready to die a thousand times with the truth than having to guess and be saved by lies.

"He told me his feelings were mutual for me but he didn't want to be the reason for our break up. Vince, believe me when I told you I tried. I really tried so hard. He didn't put any pressure on me. We never talked about us. We never talked about you. But somehow... along the way... I just couldn't help myself to fall for him." Sam said apologetically. This wasn't her.

Of course you wouldn't talk about me! You wouldn't talk about us! Becaue both of you wants to talk about you. The two of you. I am a dilemma in that topic! He wanted to shout at her. Hearing these things from her made him question his self worth. What is he compared to that guy? He is outgoing, he jives well with Sam. He is the student council President. He plays the grand fcking piano!* He is starting to feel like a dwarf in front of a majestic giant. I am nothing but a student librarian who knows how to organize things. I am fcking nothing compared to him!*

All his insecurities came out of nowhere to punch him in the gut. Defeat has already come upon him even before the battle has even begun.

"When..." he said close to a quiet.

"When what?" Sam replied.

"When do you plan on breaking up with me? Now?!" the words came out from his mouth a little louder than he wanted to.

"I haven't made up my mind on that. I'm wishing I don't have to Vince. I still want this to work." Sam's reply sounded more like pleading.

"Well it's working damn fine alright..." Sarcasm came out of the blue and he knew it didn't help the conversation. "I can't just ignore this. You know I can't and I know you can't too."

"I know..." she said morose.

Then there was silence. He can see she's struggling inside. She's fighting with feelings she is admitting to herself. Even if she did everything ahe could not to betray him, she still is acknowledging feelings she knows she shouldn't be feeling. And it hurts him.

"I'm sorry."

Sam began ending her silence. Her apology carved pain in his heart.

"Stop that." He said firmly.

"But I do mean it!" Sam protested. Their eyes met and he could have sworn she was holding back the tears. He didn't want to hear her sorry. He didn't want to see her tears. If he paid attention to her hurt, he wouldn't be able to pay attention to his. They feel messed up as so he refused to let this session be all hers.

He should be feeling mad. What was clear to was that his heart being broken without them even talking about breaking up. Just hearing it crossed her mind already opened up cuts he could only feel but never see.

He wanted to scream at her but he couldn't find the right words to say. He wanted to utter insults to hurt her too but he couldn't. All he has were negative feelings he never knew he could feel. Feelings he coudn't put words on.I thought I was well versed with the dictionary.

"You mean them and I know it. It's for that reason I don't want to hear you say sorry." His hurt was keeping him from being fluent.

"Why?"

"Because throughout the time we spent together... you never ever said sorry. Why start now? Though I knew you also knew you were at fault, I let things pass because we could eventually get passed those times. You never said sorry Sam. You kept insisting you are right even when you are unsure. Even when you are wrong, you kept standing your ground. But you were doing it because you knew I wouldn't mind it. You weren't as bad as you might think and I refused to believe you are. So please don't say sorry because it does no good this time." He was looking at her while talking. The anger, hurt, and plead was not concealed. He meant every word he said.

"But I really am sorry..." He wanted to punch a wall even if it meant just getting wounds and bruises on his knuckles. Sam is already giving up. She was looking down on her lap and he could see she is feeling tired and hurt with all the emotional abuse they both have been receiving in this conversation.

"This is so screwed up you know?" He made a bitter laugh. Sam's face looked up. He could see she was crying and it made him feel more bitter. She has never shed a tear from any of their fights before.

"It's like, you say you love me but you like him too. Now how's that for comedy?" Bitter words for the bitter man he is becoming.

Sam didn't say a word. She only sighed and looked down on her lap again. She was crying again. Damn it! He silently cursed.

"I never went out on a date with him." Sam said firmly.

"But you wanted to!" He couldn't believe he said it out loud.

"I still love you."

"And I love you too..."

Sam looked at him, waiting for what he was about to say next.

"Yeah... you love me yet you still like him. I may believe you now but it would be difficult to trust again." He paused to took her in the eye. "You understand what I'm saying? I can't ignore that. I felt security in the past because you could easily brush off anyone that tries to impress you. But not Eric... he's definitely one special guy I can't ignore."

"So what do you want to do now?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it. How about you? What do you want to do?" He sincerely wanted to know what she wants to do. Their eyes met again. They seemed to have dispelled some of the tension and regained composure.

"Hmmm... cool off a bit?" Sam suggested with a hesitating tone.

"Aren't wee too old for that? This isn't high school you know." He made a short and bitter laugh.

"Yeah, you're right..."

"Eric is a nice guy. He's one lucky guy alright." He meant it. He already knows he has lost the battle between him and Eric but he felt he wanted to exit gracefully like a knight dying honorably in the battlefield.

He wanted to hug her. Kiss her one last time. But he thought if for one more moment he held her, he won't be able to let go. He left the unfinished garden without looking back.

••.•´•.••TO BE CONTINUED••.•´•.••

_{This is an adaptation of @adamada's unpublished story in wattpad. I have permission for this as he gave me access to the confidential source material.}

_{Photo is my own, edited through Canva}

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art and flair courtesy of @PegasusPhysics