The birthday reflections

My birthday is on Saturday, what do I say, what can I do. I have always tried to stay off the grid, tried to stay me, tried to show no emotions. For years I learnt to be the hero of my story, my protagonist, my mentor. Never been a fan of humans, for some years now, I tried making friends, people I could relate to. But I never really could relate with people. I have lived in this world as my fantasy. Talking to people sucked, the mood swings attacked, I stayed off so I wouldn't get really angry. I have being labeled weird, selfish, not funny, not nice, the spoilt child, acting too mature, acting too big, being too childish, being too immature, the one that wore sweaters everyday because he was hiding his skin. I heard them all and I always tried not to flip. People don't know Shit yet one tells me he would tell me who I am in 500 level, that's roughly a year from now. I don't really have friends ironically, they are just acquaintances.
Since I was 9 (I guess), that's when I really tried opening up to people, I started with boys then girls, tried making friends. It's been really hard, I would always end up retracting back to my shell. I still stand alone as my one man team and yeah my phone still remains my closest pal. I don't really think I can love anybody or anyone or anything, I'm still young so anything could happen but I still don't think I would marry. I live my life without any rules in a game anything could happen, No friends, no foes. In my less than 20 years life, so many things have happened that has made me real sad 😔, so many thorns, few roses. I sometimes think of Death because there are fates worse than death.