Ulog #12 Confessions of a Tiger mum

Tiger Mother (Noun): A strict or demanding mother who pushes her child or children to high levels of achievement, especially by using methods regarded as typical of child-rearing in China and other parts of East Asia. Definition

To further this definition, Tiger Parenting is a term which refers to the process of strict or demanding parents who push and pressure their children to be successful academically by attaining high levels of scholastic and academic achievement, using authoritarian parenting methods regarded as typical of childrearing. (Kim, Su Yeong. "Definiting Tiger Parenting in Chinese Americans" Human Development 56.4: 217-222.

My firstborn has always been a source of personal pride for me. She reached all her milestones either on time or early: rolled over by 5 months, sitting up by 8 months, standing and cruising by 10 months, walking by 11months, out of nappies by 18 months (very hard to find little underwear for 18 month olds!), two wheelin', writing her name and reading by 4 years old.

When she was a preschooler, I never saw myself as a tiger mum but I did hold a subconscious sense of smugness about how my child was developing. I prioritised her social emotional development as I saw that as most important from my educational background.

But when she started school, I saw myself slowly transform into a tiger mum. In fact, I was even proud of it. The strict Asian parenting methods is what I grew up with and once I saw that my DD settled in well socially in her big school, I focused on her academics.

At the beginning, it was all roses. Great Term 1 report card and I started to dedicate myself completely to her education. Every school activity - Cross Country, Multicultural day, Open Day, 100 Days in Kindergarten and even volunteer work such as reading group help. You name it, I was there. I spent time sitting with her to complete all homework activities and when opportunities arise, I gave her extra support by teaching her at home. She also started piano lessons, an intense parent commitment as I sit beside her everyday; encouraging, helping and at many times, yelling.

My "Tiger mum-ness" was further encouraged whenever I hear the teacher say she's doing well, when I received her mid-semester report card, and when I compared her with hidden pride on the playground. I saw myself worse than just a tiger mum, I didn't just want her to do well academically, I wanted to succeed in every aspect of her learning. Striving for perfectionism.

For a while, my methods were working. I told myself all the yelling and tears were worth it. That my child needs the push to achieve. I believed in what I was doing...until today.

I entered her classroom as usual getting ready to help with reading groups, the teacher said there have been some shuffling of reading groups (graded) and my daughter has either digressed or others overtook her, because she was placed a few levels lower than her current group.

I felt a sharp jab in my stomach. A blow to my ego. I went from a proud tiger mummy to a very humbled one.

I held my tongue with the teacher (I really wanted to know more info - why? how? etc.) and went home to reflect on not only her progress but also on me.

I was challenged to think about my values. Do I value her academics achievement more or do I value raising my child up to become a lover of Jesus who tries her best? Of course I choose the latter. But my actions didn't reflect that.

My joy was misplaced in her achievements rather than in God. A fellow godly sister shared that our children are really God's children and we are only here as earthly parents. She told me to encourage my children and remind them who they are in Christ. Each and every one of us are born with different abilities and our children need to do their best with their God given gifts.

I don't want all my striving to be in vain, and I realised that the way I've gone about parenting her isn't really developing her in becoming the confident, Christ centred woman that I want her to be.

What a humbling day and once again, I'm surprised that I am sharing so much more on #steemit!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I hope this have encouraged you and please feel free to share your parenting journeys and experiences in the comments!
Blessings!