If you feel 'left out' - Information for kids

You are starting at a new school and you see groups of friend gathering at break time.  You do not belong to any of the groups and really feel 'left out'.  You do not get chosen to participate in activities or get invited to parties.  All this can make you feel alone and sad.  How can you deal with this?

                      

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Feeling left out can make you feel that nobody loves or accepts you and this will make you think that you are not good enough.  It can make you feel very sad or mad.

Unfortunately there are kids that has their own little group and do not want to let other kids into their group.  This is called a 'clique'.  There is usually a leader of the group who decides who may join and these kids can also be bullies a lot of the time.  They want to be in charge of everybody and decide who they may speak to or play with.  A lot of time the other kids are so glad to be part of the clique that they do not even realize that they are also being bullied or controlled. 

We all want to belong somewhere, but do you really want to be part of a group that is controlled by another person?

Cliques are groups of friends, but not all groups of friends are cliques. The thing that makes a group a clique (say: KLIK) is that they leave some kids out on purpose. Usually one or two popular kids control who gets to be in the clique and who gets left out. Kids may act much differently than they did before they were part of the clique. They may even act differently today from how they were yesterday. It can be really confusing. 

A lot of times children that are interested in the same things, will form a clique.  A group of friend sticking together does not have to be a bad thing.  They can be friends and also not have a problem with any new friends coming into the group.  Nobody is there to be mean to others.  That is the type of group you want to be part of and you must then also be kind to others.

It can be very difficult is somebody was your friend and then suddenly starts ignoring you, just to be 'in' with a specific clique.  Girls tend to do this a lot and they can also be very mean and not let other people into their 'clique'.

Mostly children want to be part of a clique because they feel accepted.  They do not worry what they have to do to be part of the group, as long as they are accepted.

You are maybe left out because you dress or talk differently from the other or you are the new kid in school.  It can also be because these kids in the clique do not have a say on who may join.

So the question is again... do you really want to be part of that, or do you want to have friend that accepts you for who you are.

Many people will change or give up what they believe in, just to be accepted into the clique and they think it is very 'cool', but being 'cool' means you are true to who you are, not a puppet of someone else.

A lot of children who are part of these cliques, realize after a while that they do not want to be part of it anymore. They do not want to be mean to others or be bossed around by one person and they decide to leave the group. This will make them quite unpopular with the others and they can end up being treated badly, but at least they stood up for themselves and once the group sees that it does not bother them to go their own way, they will leave them alone.

Parents, sisters and brothers, other family members, and teachers can help when someone is being left out or treated in a mean way. They might help by giving you advice on how to deal with mean kids. Sometimes they can teach kids that it isn't OK to treat others this way and show them ways to stop kids being mean to other kids. 

If you see that the clique is bullying somebody, you need to tell an adult.  Nobody must be treated in that way.

Remember the following - Someone can only make you feel bad about yourself if you allow it.  If you are true to yourself and you want to do what makes you happy, nobody can take that away from you.

Be sure that if you are part of a group or clique that you speak up and tell the others that anybody is welcome in your group and you will not be part of any type of bullying.  In the same way that you want to have a friend or belong to a group, there is always someone else that feels the same, so welcome them into your group and let them decide for themselves if they want to stay or find other friends.

Love yourself enough and believe that you are a good person and show it to others.  That way the right people will include you in their group.

Be yourself, be happy and find that friend that accepts you for who you are. Sometimes it will take time and you will feel like giving up and just feel bad, but hang in there, eventually you will find your group or friend where you will not have to proof yourself or make others feel left out or bad about themselves.

Read here for more advice.

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