Grandmom's Memory Causes Teardrops On Grandchild's Heart

She was the queen of Mabingnay's family.  A mother of 6 and grandmom of 20.  She was the most organized and meticulous woman I ever knew.  She was loved not just by her own family but as well as everyone in town.  Her name is Prima, and every one called her "Mana Prima" or "Apoy Prima" but we called her "Apoy Pening".  And remembering her causes #teardrops from deep in our hearts.

She was a "trained hilot", or "manaram" in our own term in waray-waray.  She helps pregnant women, from start of pregnancy until they gives birth. She takes care of then and their baby.  That was her work for more or less three decades.

When grandpa died, at the same moment she losses her memory.  She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.  Somewhat we were glad she doesn't remember things.  She doesn't even remember it was grandpa's wake we are mourning.  On the other hand, it was more painful for our family.  In every moment she saw the coffin she keep asking who was dead.  Being a good wife was always on her mind, she was always worried about grandpa, that he was sick needing to take care of, and to prepare for his food.  If her meal of was served, she always where's for her husband.  Every now and then needing to tell her the truth and it was so hard for us all, #tears will eventually rolled down and seeing it she will add: "why" or "what the #tears for?"  When her questions are answered, she starts crying, even blaming herself.  Same situation happens all over the whole day, for a week, months, until it last for a year.

At that time we only lost my grandpa but it seems like we lost both of my grandparents, and the pain is crushing our hearts.  Her memory loss was getting worse after some months. She had forgotten most of her children and grandchildren.  She forgots the names & can't recognized their faces.  Of all of her grandchildren, I am really so lucky that she never forget me even once.  And even my siblings she calls them by my name.  She remembers what I had gone through, what I have in my life and what I never had.

I have a lot of memories with her. I am so thankful that I had tried to spent as much time as I can with her.  We have memories of long talks, laughters, bottles of wine and more.  The memories on the couch just setting beside her watching television.  It continues until we lost her too. 

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The regret I have was that I wasn't there beside her when she was about to leave us, feeling pained and holding her last breath.  I was hundred miles away from her, I was feeling helpless and can do nothing but to cry. Crying was the only comfort I have that time. #Teardrops was so meaningful, that I wanted to showed her my #tears that I was also in pain with her.

She had left us.  We lost the queen n 2013.  Almost 5 years ago but we're still hurting and we still cries everytime we were reminded of her. We loved her and we always will.   #Tears may be dried up, and we may have a very happy life, but the pain of lossing her will stay n our hearts.  She had left us, but she will always be the queen, and no one can replaced her. Our dearest Apoy Pening's memory will be treasured forever.

Thank you for reading.

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@dalethbm