My Steemit experience - Day 6 - [Satire] How to be successful on Steemit

Are you new on this platform and looking to make the most out of it? Do you wonder how to be a valuable member of the community? You've come to the right post, because I'm going to show you my 5-step-program to becoming a successful Steemian, so let's dive right into all the tips and tricks I have to offer and you'll be doing great in no time!

Step 1: Have the right attitude

The first and most important step in my guide is to have the appropriate attitude at all times on this platform. You know what all this crypto-hype is all about don't you? It's about making as much money as possible without any sort of effort at all! So whatever you do on this platform, if it doesn't make you money, you're doing it wrong!

Step 2: Make your posts

While some people might tell you, that the key of success is to consistently post quality original content, I think that takes way too much effort to be worth it. After all everyone telling you that is probably just trying to slow you down and keep all that sweet crypto currency for themselves! It's a lot quicker and easier to copy other people's content and post as much of it as possible! If you spend so much time on your posts that you can only create one or two every day the chances are high that people don't even see it! But if you post 100 or even 1000 times a day, then it's very likely that people see at least some of your posts, because they will be everywhere!

Step 3: Get people to upvote you

One of the main ways to make loads of money here is to be upvoted by the gods of crypto fortune (often called whales, because they're fat moist monsters with a hole in their head) but getting an upvote from them is about as likely as Mark Zuckerberg dying from starvation, so unless you already know a god of crypto fortune willing to waste use their voting power on you you'll have to rely on the smaller users to give you money! Luckily there are a lot more smaller users than there are whales so you should be able to find many of them in very little time. There are multiple ways to get someone to upvote you, the most common ones would be: beg them to upvote you; offer to upvote them in return; offer to upvote them in return but never do it; offer to upvote them in return, do it but undo it when you think they aren't looking; or threatening to flag their posts if they don't.

Step 4: Comment on popular posts

Additionally to making your own posts you should reply as much as possible on posts of others that are already popular! Use their popularity to increase your own chances of being seen! You don't even have to read their posts or watch their videos, just have some generic copy-paste texts ready which compliment them for their contribution and move on to the next post to paste it again. When you're done just watch all the appreciation of your kindness flow in as cash directly into your wallet!

Step 5: Upvote yourself

I mean this one should really go without saying, right? The option to give money to yourself without losing the money you give out? That's literally free money! You should upvote everything you post, especially the comments on others posts from the last step. Nothing shows more respect than your effort to get your nice words on someone else's post read more often! Sadly so far you can only upvote your own posts and comments, but I'm sure they will eventually introduce the feature to upvote your own upvotes as well, so that you'll never have to think about what to upvote next!

Closing words

So now that you know everything in order to become successful you can get started right away. The only tip I have left is you should totally make sure to know the meaning of the word 'satire', it's essential to make the most out of this guide! See you on your private yacht soon!